I’m Ryan Fightmaster, MD. I graduated from medical school, completed residency, and earned my board certification in psychiatry, while never wanting to be a doctor. Why? Because being a doctor was easier than being myself. In the fall of 2022, I left medicine (including my $400K/year job while owing $200K in student loans) to find fulfillment, by writing, refurbishing furniture, and surfing. Each week I publish two articles, released here in audio form. Join my newsletter (https://fightmaste ...
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Get the Fork Out of the Garbage Disposal
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It's really not complicated. When you sacrifice who you are... you lose what you love. House rules. Here's how I got 𝙞𝙩 back. ----more---- From eight years of inauthenticity, I learned 32 lessons I’ll never forget. Get the whole list today by joining my weekly newsletter, HERE.De către Fightmaster MD
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The Only Thing Better Than Sex (Maybe)
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I expected victory—sure, we’re the University of Oklahoma—but existential questions I did not expect. Then, I watched this epiphanizing play. Link to the full article ----more---- From eight years of inauthenticity, I learned 32 lessons I’ll never forget. Get the whole list today by joining my weekly newsletter, HERE.…
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Surviving a 12 Round Backyard Fight to the Death
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A younger me would have picked up compromise's call. Today, I called bullshit, letting it ring off the hook. ... From eight years of inauthenticity, I learned 32 lessons I’ll never forget. Get the whole list today by joining my weekly newsletter, HERE.De către Fightmaster MD
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You Can Take the Man Out of Medicine
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But it takes time to take the medicine out of the man. Joy wasn't found in leaving. Joy wasn't found a year after leaving. Joy was found in choosing. If we let past conditioning own our lives, it'll never let go. But this week, a window opened, and I chose my way out. ... From eight years of inauthenticity, I learned 32 lessons I’ll never forget. G…
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The Secret Sauce Of A Great Burger
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5:19
“You can always leave,” Bryce said, piercing eyes shifting from players to me, “because man, life’s too short to get stuck doing shit you hate.” ... From eight years of inauthenticity, I learned 32 lessons I'll never forget. Get the whole list today by joining my weekly newsletter, here.De către Fightmaster MD
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What’s Your Life Built Upon? (It Kinda Matters)
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I once owned a good-looking home, constructed with attention and dedication, but the foundation was questionable, and it sunk right into the hole from which it came. Join my weekly newsletter and receive my list of "32 Truths Earned on the Path to Wholeness" (https://fightmastermd.com/newsletter/)De către Fightmaster MD
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Fighting for the Most Sacred Thing We Have
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I meditated more. I was "present" more. I kept a gratitude list. And none of it helped, until I restored what mattered most. What was I really missing all those years? Join my free weekly newsletter for advice at building a life you love (https://fightmastermd.com/newsletter/)De către Fightmaster MD
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The ”Best of Both Worlds” Is No World For Me
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To be tempted by the “best of both worlds” makes us human. To give it up makes us who we are. Working part-time, in the chillest job of all-time, finally spelled my exit from medicine (and sparked my deliverance). Sign up for my weekly newsletter for perspective on owning a life you love (Https://fightmastermd.com/newsletter/)…
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This Is Harder Than I Thought (Thankfully)
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When I left medicine, it was only the beginning. Get my list of '32 Truths' by joining my free weekly newsletter: https://fightmastermd.com/newsletter/De către Fightmaster MD
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Five Hard Lessons in Two Cross-Country Moves (This Year)
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This move was objectively harder. Longer. More expensive. But that’s the difference; when you want it, you can suffer more. Join my weekly, free newsletter for perspective on how to own a life you love waking up to each day (https://fightmastermd.com/newsletter/)De către Fightmaster MD
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A Headhunter’s Offer (And Chicken Exit for the Soul)
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Good morning Dr. Fightmaster. My name is XXXXX, the provider recruiter for Napa County. I wanted to connect to see if you’d be interested in a position. Please give me a call/text back to discuss. One week ago, I reflexively snoozed my alarm but before my pillow fused back to my head, this message snared me. I opened the text and scanned with inter…
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What I Must Never Forget (And Why It’s Tattooed on My Forearm)
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When I went to medical school, it’s not that I’d chosen death; I’d chosen nothing. I thought I could ride the fence and have it all: acceptance, accomplishment, and happiness. Only, I failed to understand that the absence of choice is still choice. Because the clock ain’t stopping. At the end of residency, I knew it was true and hoped to never forg…
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Why I Became A Psychiatrist (Really)
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In the process of becoming a therapist, treating depression and anxiety, and learning how to manage psychosis, that would have to iron out my shit. 𝙍𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩? ---- Join my newsletter (https://fightmastermd.com/newsletter) and get my FREE '32 Truths Earned on the Road to Wholeness after Medicine'. ABOUT RYAN FIGHTMASTER MD: I'm a board-certified psychia…
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To Leave California, I Had to Love It First
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Can’t find the exact quote but Matthew McConaughey wrote something in Greenlights along these lines: you can only leave a place once you’ve known you can live there forever. I’ll fess up, not sure I got that far with California, but I got close. Receive my '32 Truths Earned on the Road to Wholeness' today when you join my newsletter (https://fightm…
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Why I Stopped Being Vegan (Because I Wanted to Be Myself)
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I adopted a vegan diet in the spring of 2013. I was twenty-four years old and needed it, for many reasons. It was a five-year, cherished season that defined my identity, until it stood between me and myself—all told, me and life after medicine. If you’re already poking fun at the gravity in my tone and readying your vegan jokes, get your popcorn re…
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Life Begins When You Get Off the Treadmill
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As I stared out across a medicine career, I saw the same scenery; a never-ending gauntlet of patient care, charting, and billing, without change, which for me, was not what I wanted. Something was clear: this treadmill will run forever and only stop, if I get off. I am the only person who can stop it. Join my newsletter (https://fightmastermd.com/n…
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If I Never Wanted to Be a Doctor, What Did (Do) I Want?
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Knowing I never wanted to be a doctor—eight years of evidence in the rearview—I must have wanted something, instead. It’s Newtonian; every action creates an equal and opposition reaction. Something pressed against medicine... what was it? Join my newsletter (https://fightmastermd.com/newsletter) and get my FREE '32 Truths Earned on the Road to Whol…
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I do it for those haunted by a daring dream, who believe there’s more to life than making money and building a reputation. Join my newsletter (https://fightmastermd.com/newsletter) and get my FREE 'Fractured to Whole: 32 Truths I've Come to Know' while building a life love after medicine.De către Fightmaster MD
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”Everyone Deserves A Chance To Do What They Want”
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But to really seize that chance, I've learned you how to earn your wants. Join my newsletter (https://fightmastermd.com/newsletter) and get my FREE 'Fractured to Whole: 32 Truths I've Come to Know'.De către Fightmaster MD
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One Year to the Day, I Reflect on the Morning My Life Changed
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One year ago today, I began. It wasn’t this website, but it was something, anything. I had to do something. Tired of the charade and sick of waiting, life or death hinged on March 20th, 2022’s actions. Dramatic? Certainly. Necessary? Beyond. Join my newsletter (https://fightmastermd.com/newsletter) and get my FREE 'Fractured to Whole: 32 Truths I'v…
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How To Choose Happiness When It’s Not What You’ve Lived
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Life was war these last eight years. Acceptance to medical school, grinding through exams, and graduating from residency were all proxy conflicts; the true battle pitted me against fear. The territory in question was wholeness. When I resigned from medicine, I figured the war would be over, that fear would surrender and providence would be mine. Ho…
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When It Rains, It Implores (How To Survive Any Storm)
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My life during medical school and residency paralleled Santa Barbara’s 2023 forecast; I expected rain, got used to rain, and if it weren’t for a previous season, I may have accepted an overcast fate. Join my newsletter (https://fightmastermd.com/newsletter) and get my FREE 'Fractured to Whole: 32 Truths I've Come to Know'. ABOUT RYAN FIGHTMASTER: I…
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Fear and Soul Play A Game of Poker (aka The Last 8 Years of My Life)
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Can’t say I gamble much though, I prescribe to the don’t gamble anything you can’t afford to lose mantra. I’ve dabbled at tables and slots, but I’m too left-brained to ignore the odds. I love sports too much to bet on it, seems a sac religious act. Still, gambling is a story I get—stakes and pots, calls and folds, all-in’s and gone busts—because on…
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The Vice and Virtue of Being the Nice Guy
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“That Ryan Fightmaster, he’s such a nice kid.” “That Dr. Fightmaster, he’s just so nice.” I built my life upon these comments. I sung a tune targeting those praises. Being the nice guy was my compass, goalpost, and doctrine, until it almost cost me... me.De către Fightmaster MD
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An Uncomfortable Reality—I Needed Those Depressions
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I made it 28 years before my first depression. It was a good run. Darkness descended spring semester of my third year of medical school, the hardest year by my count. Timing-wise, it was paradoxical. I had just aced our first board exam (Step 1)—scoring in the 90th percentile—meaning I had a chance at landing a residency coast to coast. My grades w…
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The Gift of Leaving Medicine (I Got My Life Back)
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The current of my life outside the ocean was a different force. I used to yawn all… the… time. I needed a perpetual nap. I hated getting up early. One missed night of sleep threw my existence into disorder. The current was strong. For most of med school and residency, my life was tinted with a begrudging tone. Just to be okay every day, to fight th…
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This one’s more of a journal entry—not a knowing but a figuring—because the truth is this: I don’t know what’s next.De către Fightmaster MD
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“Ask yourself”, my ninth-grade football coach called through the evening roar of early autumn secadas, “Have I emptied the tank today?” He’d ask the question with one “gasser” left in the conditioning portion of practice; sun already set, us already spent. The whistle would shrill, and I’d give it everything I had for the next thirty seconds, almos…
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Would I Still Go to Medical School?
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Last week a reader commented on one of my articles, asking: If you could go back to the few months before starting medical school, with what you know now, would you still do it? While considering the question, I found myself back in the turmoil of that mid-twenties time, where I was drowning in ambivalence and confusion, strung out across a war zon…
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Anxiety’s Surprising (And Unlocking) Opposite
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Take a scroll through social media’s mental health offerings, and you’ll see advice centered around how to control your thinking, likely inspired by cognitive behavioral therapy’s ascent to domination in the therapy world. But, there’s a distinction worth noting: we cannot control our thoughts. Yes, we can reframe our thoughts and test cognitive di…
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I can’t go back, but I remember. I do not wish to be 25 again—changing the past is a drug I’ve kicked—but I wish to make amends with that part of me that lost what I again hold now: hope. I write this letter for delivery during the summer of 2014.De către Fightmaster MD
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Surfing was the vanguard of my soul. It stood in opposition to medicine’s capitulations. It was my last stand… and it wasn’t enough.De către Fightmaster MD
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Are You Burned Out Or On The Wrong Path?
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Two weeks ago, I was asked an intriguing question: “What’s the difference between being burned out or being on the wrong path?” I received the question from a reader after sending out a newsletter. Context was provided; her husband was a physician, and she noticed his colleagues’ lack of enjoyment in medicine. They were no longer energized by their…
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Why I Stayed (What I Loved As A Physician)
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I resigned Thursday September 22nd, 2022. After a ten-minute walk to the post office, I dropped the envelope in the metal box and meandered home, wondering, Did I really just do that? The response from within was immediate: I did and it was time. Emotion descended from the mountain tops; gratitude and grief consumed. A part of me had wanted to walk…
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The 3 Reasons People Go to Medical School… And My Reason
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“People go to medical school for one of three reasons: altruism, power, or money”, he declared, with a certain boldness. The room was silent; we were gathering which defined our motivation. Weren’t we all altruistic?De către Fightmaster MD
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The Art of Churning (How I Made The Leap Out of Medicine)
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Our life is a ship, sailing through the seas of experience. When we make a decision of consequence, our mind creates a parallel “other ship” sailing alongside—a means to keep alive our “what if”s and “could’ve been”s. No matter where we sail, if in fractured living, the “other ship” follows.De către Fightmaster MD
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The Best BS Detector Money Can Buy: The Bar Introduction Test
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Ever wonder if you’re on the right path? Deep down you know, like we all do, but if you need extra convincing, try out my go-to tuner of convictions: The Bar Introduction Test.De către Fightmaster MD
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Fractured Living—The Cost of Taking the Road More Traveled
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I went to medical school on a faulty assumption: even though I didn’t want to do it, I could do it and still be happy. Spitting at Robert Frost’s counsel, I took the road more traveled, and indeed, it made all the difference.De către Fightmaster MD
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I get it; leaving a career that offers the security of a six figure paycheck is mystifying. At this mystification, my friends and family have tried to guess why I left, to understand why someone would exit an eight-year, $250,000 investment.De către Fightmaster MD
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My Sage and Mentor—A Squirrel with No Tail Modeled My Dreams
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Back in the fall of 2021, l was cloaked in low-grade misery. I had run the medicine horse to death, searched the landscape over, and the prospect of fulfillment was nil, based on seven and a half years of experience. Some hear this and are bound to wonder, as I rationalized for most of a decade, “How could you resent being a physician? What an hono…
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A Game of Softball Led Me Out of Medicine
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Competition is critical; not for the ego-notched victories but for the learning opportunities. The insights made available through sport are not as clear in our day-to-day, but once we’ve felt it in competition, we get to take it back to the day-to-day. Thank God for adult rec league softball, because I needed an insight.…
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A Report from the After-Medicine Wilderness
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How is this whole leaving medicine thing going? I often worry about how to make enough money. I wonder if I can figure this out. I doubt myself, ponder if I made a mistake. Fear pulses shake me from sleep, followed by flashes of relief when I consider a return to medicine, which would keep the lights on and pay the student loans numbering in the hu…
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A year ago I realized the gig was up. Was I going to quit medicine then? No chance, but the sinking realization was slowly becoming objective reality: this isn’t going to work. I’d seen enough to know. If I were to live a happy and purposeful life, I had to do something else and figure it out soon. But where should I start?…
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My life has its own seasonality: harvests, barrenness, sprouts, and growth. This personal winter had been hard to shake. But decisively, a moment arrived, where I knew there was no need to keep the faucets dripping.De către Fightmaster MD
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How I Survived 8 Years of Something Not Wanted
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If you’ve made it this far with me, you’ve probably asked yourself, “How did he do this for so long?” To go to medical school, finish a residency, and become a psychiatrist, this guy must be crazy!De către Fightmaster MD
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Understanding myself first, then building from there, was always the answer and the hardest work to do, because it required I forego the rescue fantasy. No epiphanies were coming, no perfect paths forward, just a distilling of what matters to me and making choices.De către Fightmaster MD
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That feeling wouldn’t change—from medical school acceptance to board certification—and it required moving across the country, leaving my family, and becoming a psychiatrist, before I could act on it. Now, I turn the page.De către Fightmaster MD
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