A cheap knockoff the real thing, it’s a David’s Thought podcast

Uniformed uniformed officers of the dumb brigade

The cats interrupt me on this one. Good thing too, I was planning a murder. But no siree the cats were not gonna have that!

I fail to understand reality in this one. Send help.

The mayor Mayonnaise was quickly regretted by the populace as he smelled funny and no knew how past his expiration date he was

I get down on onion soup mix and devalue Candy Crush in two separate take downs. Also story time.

Oh where oh where did my thoughts have gone. Oh where oh where could they be?

I realize I was an idiot and didn't upload something correctly and YOU'LL NEVER BELIEVE DAVID'S THIRD THOUGHT!

When thought gremlins attack!

I bees back!

Hiatus? From cheaply some four minute podcasts that take 10 to make? Yep kids, I am sucking big time at getting other stuff dune so this goes on the back burner. Don't worry! It will return in good time. Like, when I get a job and a subsequent commute.

Who would have thought that a Mars joke would spark an international armed conflict? Not Third Street Elementary School's PE teacher Cheryl Franklin. "Listen, I just meant it to be a lesson on astrophysics but I had no idea that it would have been so offensive." The teacher faces a charge that carries up to four years in a maximum security anti-jok…

Somehow I keep forgetting to publish these. ATTEMPT THREE

This one was supposed to be uploaded now for two days and have blown it twice in a row. I am so good at this!

Who doesn't use duct tape as a permanent fix. Never in my life have I ever used duct tape as a temporary fix. Could explain why all the people keep falling off my ceiling though

Budgeting is a crime now

Babies are getting high marks for creative crediting and advanced warfare tactics. Well played babies, well played

Do you ever wonder where your discarded q-tips go? I'm not talking about the ones you keep to make shrines to your favorite actor or whatever. Wait, I'm the only one who does this?

So you find the dog in the living room with the end of a broken shovel. It's covered in powdered sugar. The dog turns to you and says, "that's gonna be a sticky mess. Care to help out?"

We all know someone who is really good at not being really good at anything. Perhaps that's who I am

Feel the burn of tasty Asian host sauce

Call the experimenter before they get out of control!

You've heard of____, get ready for ____

Pablo Casals, who performed at the UN recently, is 81. He agreed to have Robert Snyder make a movie short, “A Day in the Life of Pablo Casals.” Snyder asked Casals, the world’s foremost cellist, why he continues to practice four and five hours a day. Casals answered: “Because I think I am making progress.”…

When it's all said and done, we will always remember our worst nights of Mexican food diahrea

The babies' demands are extensive and unwavering. Your government promises to defend ourselves from the pink nemesis as long as we must.

RUSSIAN-INFECTED SOFTWARE 20% OFF!!!

Cats make for the best thoughts

Honesty is not the best policy when seeking an answer to a dumb question

Does anyone ever grow up wanting to sell traffic signs?

Open format office, never worked in one, but how are you expected to effectively fight someone to the death over poorly designed network folder hierarchy with people all around?

Minions just say the darndest things

Cats are holy, blameless creatures

Dole Pineapple chunks are a great form of currency if you think about it

Ah the memories of growing up overseas

I wish I was a pen salesman. Do you know how much fun that would be? Wait, hold on, I mean the opposite of “fun”. Well, I guess it would be fun to sell to pen affectianados, but that sounds...weird

“Creativity feeding tube” is a thing now. Go ahead, look it up on Urban Dictionary

UPS boxes make for the lamest nightmare fuel

Woodland body disposal is a serious problem

Late Night Amazon purchases are always a weird way to end the day.

Jello is a substance that needs more utilization in sculpting

The FDA has not tested this podcast’s edibility. You have been warned

How do you like your eggs? And oh look at that! I labeled TWO episodes with the same number. Oops, now prepare for the entire collapse of society

I’m concerned with how many I came up with in the span of 20 minutes...

DO NOT try this if you work at a pen factory. You’ll never stop and you’ll need help

I’m never gonna get this down

When I want I’ll just publish misfires as well. YOU CAN’T STOP ME

It’s raining and you’re scared of scientists now

Microwaves suck to design bro

On the attraction and repulsion of cat’s affections