HATERZ: Online bullies, devil’s advocates, naysayers, and people who drive us nuts

Freelance Writing Coach

Existing on the internet these days is a bit of a double-edged sword—and if you’re running or growing your business online, it can be even worse.

Many of us have met amazing people online that become our friends, colleagues, and clients. Still, for each excellent interaction and connection, there are bullies, devil’s advocates, and naysayers. Everything you say in public forums and social media is subject to online “haters.”

How do you deal with this negative feedback without letting it affect your work and self-worth?

Remember: It’s not personal

There’s a lot of bravery associated with the anonymity that comes with operating online, so you have to take everything people say with a grain of salt. Some naysayers are combative and aggressive by default when they can hide behind a screen and keyboard. We’re not dismissing the fact that what people say is hurtful. It’s scary. And it can throw you off your rhythm for days, weeks, (or months!) especially if you’re a particularly sensitive person.

If you’re very sensitive, bullies and naysayers can be difficult to handle. It’s not something you think about or prepare for when starting a freelance writing business.

We find comfort in the fact that what people say online to us and about us often has very little, if anything, to do with us. Either the haters are commenting purely to spark outrage, engagement, and controversy for fun or to support the algorithm, or they’re dealing with stuff in their lives that makes them angry and prone to lashing out.

So when someone comments on your casual post about an evening walk with some manufactured outrage, remember that it’s not about you and your actions. It’s about them.

Control your inputs and outputs

When you receive comments or direct messages on social media that are triggering or hurtful, you don’t have to deal with them if you don’t want to. It’s your content and page people are commenting on, so don’t be afraid to take control. Moderate your profiles and content like it’s your job:

• Block the trolls
• Mute and unfollow people who post content you don’t care for
• Ask to see certain ad types less often or never
• Report comments, posts, or ads that are inappropriate or hateful

If you want to deal with comments and add nuance to the conversation that was missing before, you can—just be prepared for the possibility that it won’t make any difference. That’s often a losing battle, especially on social media.

Most of us are just trying to do our best: grow our businesses, put out our best work, and do a good job. Sometimes, we either misstep or misinterpret things. There’s not a lot of room for nuance on the internet, especially on social media platforms.

You don’t only find bullies and haters online—sometimes, clients and potential partnerships end up this way, too. Sometimes, clients can come back to you with feedback that isn’t constructive or with anger that doesn’t seem to be related to you.

As you get more experience as a freelance writer, you’ll get better at screening potential clients and projects and seeing these red flags up front…but you can always get surprised. You might get feedback from a potential client that the way you do business makes no sense or some feedback on your blog draft that you “completely misunderstood the assignment.”

It’s up to you how you handle these interactions; make it clear who you’re willing to work with and who you aren’t…and stick to that.

Create a supportive community

Sensitive people struggle with hatred and negativity on social media and in the real world; women are confronted with much of it. Instead of dealing with it alone, find friends or coworkers you can talk to when something happens.

Even if it’s just one person, talking to someone who understands the field you’re in can be helpful—it’s someone to commiserate with and a way to get the support you need.

Whether through a group text, Slack community, Facebook group, or something else, you have to have people to check in with, commiserate with, and get a sanity check. Sometimes, just hearing someone say, “You’re not crazy,” or, “They’re overreacting,” can mean all the difference.

Say goodbye to bullies

It’s hard to avoid haters online and in the real world, both for your business and life in general. That doesn’t mean you have to retreat and let them scare you away from the world, especially through online communities. Control your inputs, build a supportive community, and stick to your morals and boundaries. With this support, you can get through any negative feedback or harsh words thrown your way.'

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