Beaumont, Paris, and Kevin lead you through the troubled wasteland of funkopops, disney adults, marvel movies, and bad opinions to the refreshing oasis of good opinions, firm convictions, mushy buffet-style ideology, and genuine camaraderie. Also just kidding if youre upset at anything or whatever.
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big shoutout to chinese dr yakub from the western promises discord for providing the bulk of the content for this weeks episode. listen, these guys stick needles into the meat of their testicles and stir up they balls. pulverizing the fruit of their loins to shrink them. this is real folks. MGSV is an incredible game. hey kid, want access to the be…
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159 The Playstation 2 Network Adapter
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hey wanna play some socom later? i heard it is just like being in the army. my brother left me his network adapter after going to jail earlier. with the network adapter i can connect my playstation 2 console to the internet and play a variety of supported games with people all over the world. i love my playstation 2 network adapter. for christmas i…
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okay now im serious, subscribe to our patreon: patreon.com/westernpromises.com oh boy we are so back. teratomas, fistulas, kris angel uterus freak, current events, ahmeds big day, Mohamed's Theorem, metal gear solid V, standing on business. this week all three boys are in it to win it and we can see that checkered flag. kept ya waiting huh? also i …
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sorry i cant hear you over $65,000 plus $25 company store credit and gym membership discounts. broke boys dont know. hey kid, ever wanted to know the history of BLACKED? Kept ya waiting, huh? Oh some pagers exploded
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its up to everyone now. we have to find Paris. we have spared no expense, we have the top guys on the case and i have no doubt they will crack it. we believe he has absconded with the chaos emeralds and 6 dragon balls. we have no idea what he is going to do but it cant be good. also we would happily spread russian propaganda for a lil piece of that…
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do not tap the glass, dont touch the poo, look dont touch. everything i just said? NEWSFLASH: its been said before. But do you really understand? Either way listen up, tune in, sit down, and do the work. you ever heard of tool assisted speedrunning? you know Frodo Baggins? you think you know Greg? oh and im sure famous B too? w/e, get real.…
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154 Big Beautiful Children
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look, I know the podcast has been bad, okay? Paris is MIA, my mic broke, and Kevin is chinese. But we are fixing it. We are fixing everything. Paris's disney cruise is on its way back, i got a new mic and we are replacing Kevin with an indigenous queer AFAB Dominican undertale speedrunner. its looking up. its all going up. lets get it. lets get all…
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153 Who "Watches" the "Watchmen"
1:44:49
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1:44:49
look, we missed a week. i could give you excuses, i could tell you everything that is in my heart, i could spill the beans but It just happened. it happens. jewishcostalelite joins me this week to talk about watches.
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152 aberration in the communal shower of the real
1:18:38
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1:18:38
patreon.com/westernpromises we are joined by mensallectuals to discuss communal showers, paw paw's ding dong, and joining mensa
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look, i know its late, what do you want from me. i was helping a grieving mother with a photoshop request
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subscribe to our patreon to support rights patreon.com/westernpromises Ness hitting kirby with a baseball bat the sound of teeth scraping against a cheap fork manipulate all about KINK. KINK what would you do if your strongest desire was to remove your manhood? make an appointment? listen to this. its time.…
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149 Going Wildthornberrys
1:16:42
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1:16:42
omg we would love for u to sub to our patreon. patreon.com/westernpromises we are back and done with all public and personal crises. its all smooth sailing from this point forward. we are going to churning it out like you have never seen before this week was all about correct tv placement, OCD, HOECD, BlowCD, Earthbound, being a japanese teenager l…
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1-800-PROMISES #1: fun in the solar powered sun
12:29
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wow! an amazing job opportunity just lined up for one of the boys with some schizophrenic lunatic in florida running a scam solar business. will kevin pass the phone interview? will his r*tarded nephew make a mess during the orientation? does this guy have the capability of actually understanding what another human says? only one way to find out...…
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patreon.com/westernpromises for bonus episodes. ur not gonna wanna miss it. the bonus episode we did was really bad last time i uploaded an episode I told myself that this time I would actually write a description of what we discuss but man i really really really dont want to do that. it seems like so much work. but imma be 100 with you, we talk mi…
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147 The Famous Western Promises Show
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thanks for tuning into my show everyone. wow! we have such a good show for you guys. are you pumped up about wrestling?! are you fired up? this is the wrestling show for everyone. get fired up guys, wrestlemania is going on all year until the emperor sheds off his final skin. its gonna be a great year. i do this all for my family…
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146 The Man With the Flesh of an Archangel
1:09:05
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1:09:05
bonus episodes and support the show and supportin this whole burger in my mouth: patreon.com/westernpromises oh, and you will get access to the Pisscord :-) wait, ur telling me this episode has lengthy jehovah's witness stories? um okay, next ur gonna say that there is also Greg discussions!? AS IF. next you are going to say some dumb shit like we …
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145 Fighting Men in Water 01
1:17:00
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1:17:00
patreon.com/westernpromises okay, its incel time. okay now its royalty free sound effect time okay now its balldo time okay now its late episode time
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3+bonus episodes a month if you dare: patreon.com/westernpromises oh, and access to the Pisscord AI will replace alcohol in 10 years. soon we wont need to drink 12 beers before approaching the 4 sitting alone at fudruckers. we will just pop in an AI earbud and let the ghost in the machine guide us to hyperborea. dont believe me? really? you dont th…
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Support the show. kick up. be an earner. i dont want to hear about the economy. patreon.com/westernpromises what if i told you there was a place you could go, right now, today, right where you are sitting, where nothing hurt anymore? no-one laughed at you anymore? people looked up to you, respected you, wanted to be in your presence. no, im not tal…
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142 es squinche de monchuli (forgrazi monte riponista)
1:06:31
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1:06:31
слушай, я не в этом эпизоде. Я не знаю, что тебе сказать. Я не слушал это, но уверен, что это хорошо. Если вам понравилось, подписывайтесь на наш патреон. Если вам это нравится, тогда обратите пристальное внимание на следующий эпизод. ты узнаешь это, когда услышишь.
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141 NO EDITING/PURE/WHOLE
1:11:03
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1:11:03
no time, cant edit
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for 3+ bonus episodes, discord access, and to pay for this one really big door dash order i made recently, subscribe to our patreon: patreon.com/westernpromises woah, college is getting wild now. a bunch of tents and trash and disorder everywhere, what is this, los angeles? just playin. i hope everyone is safe and has a chance to stand up for what …
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patreon.com/westernpromises Tardigrades (/ˈtɑːrdɪɡreɪdz/),[1] known colloquially as water bears or moss piglets,[2][3][4][5] are a phylum of eight-legged segmented micro-animals.[2][6] They were first described by the German zoologist Johann August Ephraim Goeze in 1773, who called them Kleiner Wasserbär ('little water bear').[7] In 1777, the Itali…
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138 Chirpin on tha Beltway
1:11:45
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1:11:45
up to 3 bonus episodes a month!?!?! subscribe to our patreon: patreon.com/westernpromises computer, open lotus notes. computer, start new note. new line. dear computer, this week on my radio we talk about dropping it into third gear going 60 on the beltway and chirping the dang tires. end note. computer, open secret diary file. new entry. dear comp…
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it gets better near the end of the episode i think
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136 Getting Head to the second power
1:28:31
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better late than clever patreon.com/westernpromises look here is the episode. no intro, joined by LITR. we talk two headed girl marriage, india pakistan relations, spermworld, israel palestine, red dead redemption 2 listen to lifting in the ruins:https://open.spotify.com/show/3ffjUb7V8IJROheAj3HFtH?si=f32ee117d9d54eff…
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unlocked wpp031 Edward Gay Thumbs
1:11:34
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1:11:34
the impending eclipse fucked us up. got us all turned up and mixed around and goofed unlocking a bonus episode this week from our patreon at patreon.com/westernpromises
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135 The Lightskin Carnival
1:11:29
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3 bonus episodes every 15 seconds? patreon.com/westernpromises we discuss the neurodivergent clown posse, kingcobrajfs and his GF, new inventions, subway performances, personal attacks, soup temperatures, straight culture, gay culture, clown culture, and what we can learn, regardless of what side of the aisle youre on, from the epic tale of Moses's…
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patreon.com/westernpromises podcas late cuz my uh, my freaking family like got hit with like a rocket? yeah they got hit with a rocket and i was so sad about that happening to me that it gave me a uh, a fever so lemme get one of them extensions on the assignment my counselor told me that you have to give me extra time on podcasts so you can count i…
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support the show for 3,000 bonus episodes each day patreon.com/westernpromises listen to lifting in the ruins: https://open.spotify.com/show/3ffjUb7V8IJROheAj3HFtH?si=3415c6f7ae9c41c1 we are joined by LITR to discuss gamergate 2.0, something important and worth it, trust me. we also play balatro, hold hands, and remember say his name aaron bushnell…
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support the show for 3+ bonus episodes every single day(month) !!! patreon.com/westernpromises IN THIS EPISODE WE TALK ABOUT: Aella's birthday g@ngB@ng with an exclusive interview with the virgin that attended Chris Brown's penish Dune i think? our fans *hands making heart emoji* our enemies *lil purple devil guy emoji* halo 2 and da masta chief an…
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131 this is for you, melinda
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this week? oh youre talking about this week? well this week we kick it ooooold schooool style. just beaumont, just paris, just big big laughs. hell divers 2, balatro, transracialism, autism, botulism, populism? support the show for discord access and 3 to four bonus episodes a week. Youre gonna like the way you give us $5 a month, i guarantee it. p…
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*UNLOCKED* wpp 042 The Champagne of Opiates
1:15:40
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Beaumont and Kevin are on their honeymoon and they didn't want to take their microphones
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130 THE END OF DRY SPELLGELION
1:23:36
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if you like the smell of whats cooking, consider joining the patreon for 4ish bonus episodes each month patreon.com/westernpromises Gothic badass dark wizards, tactical soap, smoking hot babes and open mouth kisses, peanut butter cobras, and epic troll slaying. This week we dive into the exciting new romance in former guest and friend of the show K…
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//BEGIN LIE// Limited time only, the next 20 people to subscribe to our patreon get a year free! //END LIE// Subscribe for bonus episodes every week patreon.com/westernpromises ummm i paused my little sister for sale for this? let me get this straight: eat, game, repeat? Hold on, youre telling me mia khalifa has collected ALL of the dragon balls!?…
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128 Reel Time with Bill Gar
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Subscribe to our patreon for a bonus episode each week plus access to all urinal and stall shots patreon.com/westernpromises In this episode we are joined by Guy to discuss the real history behind the hit movie 300, the super dark effed up world of palworld, we learn what an earthrocker is, how beer is brewed ethically by sluts, the FAA hiring scan…
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bonus episode every (promise) week every week every week patreon.com/westernpromises the new blade interface system on the xbox gaming console system has revolutionized the way we live and hang out in this place. they slice through the virtual world you are in elegantly and cooly, you will love it. you will love these blades. tired of looking at a …
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support show pls: patreon.com/westernpromises weekly bonus episodes and lil guys did you guys see the news? what happened over there? crazy stuff. insane. glad it is being taken care of though. and by who, even. really couldnt ask for a better team to do what it is that they are doing. Also in my personal life that happened, and it really changed m…
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Listen to Lifting in da Ruins Subscribe to the patreon to get access to full chinese episodes and bonus episodes and doing some boots on the ground reporting from one of the most dangerous airports in the world for this episode. we talk about the dam tunnels, we talk aobut cheese heads, we talk about getting drunk with you little nephew and convinc…
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pronouns? in MY autistic first person dungeon crawler game? next youre gonna tell me they took away sobe and that beloved superstar rapper viper kidnapped a methhead and locked her in a garage with a piss soaked mattress and used diapers lying around everywhere click here and kindly subscribe dear: https://www.patreon.com/westernpromises also liste…
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123 Happy New Year Everyone
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We are joined on this uh, one, by lifting in the ruins to discuss being so fat that you get stuck in a bathtub like a spongebob, or you get stuck in a chair and have to call the fire department. we also talk about piss closets, dragon ball z and the hispanic obsession and so much more. ring in the new year with us and hey, as a little freaking trea…
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122 God is an Alternative Clown
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subscribe to our patreon for weekly bonus episodes and nude pictures of my enemies and friends and neighbors and guys using the urinal at the mall patreon.com/westernpromises follow israellectuals2: instagram.com/israellectuals2 what an episode and what a year. we break down this year in p*rn with a dear friend. We discuss alternative clowning and …
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sub pls patreon.com/westernpromises for bonus episodes and discord access Listen to Lifting in the Ruins do you think god could decolonize his apartment so well that even he couldnt live there? something i think about often. other things i be thinking about: video games those fruity altoids candy (90s kids only!) that episode where doug gets molest…
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The G-Spot 003 Warhammer 40K Rogue Boglim
1:02:45
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1:02:45
On this episode the mad lads discuss Cobra’s all time disaster stream, rogue trader, and whether or not meth makes your dick not work
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please subscribe pls :) patreon.com/westernpromises i bet you do like to boycott. get a boy into your cot that is. you would like that. his hard cold body oozing all over your scratchy wool sheets. leaking all over the little race cars and cowboys. the puss from open wounds congealing into crusty puck, gluing your duvet to the exposed edge of your …
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119 Kissinger!? I Hardly Know, uh you know
1:07:14
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1:07:14
patreon.com/westernpromises for bonus eps and groomer tier discord access dears please send payment dears i saw someone on twitter say that her boyfriend who died kept a bottle of champagne in the fridge for when henry kissinger died. pretty crazy to think about something like that so much. you just keep it in there the whole time? to use when this…
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118 Happy Thanksgiving Again
1:11:48
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patreon.com/westernpromises support the show and get bonus episodes each week and groomer discord access happy thanksgiving everyone. fill up on turkey and cakes and figs and sweet breads. slide up to the table and dig into this gristle with me. really get in there. dig your canines in. let your salivia pour over it. we are in this together. togeth…
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just a sad story of a genius who is tormented by an evil government hellbent on just making his freaking life bad
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116 Keep On Tuggin w/ TLC Tugger Ron
1:23:38
1:23:38
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wow what can we even say here. We are joined by the inventor of the TLC Tugger for this weeks Western Promises. We talk about the systematic mutilation of our nations men that is circumcision and also we get into toothbrush engineering. folks, you cannot miss this episode. I dont know how to tell you, if you dont listen to this you will actually di…
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