This show is intended as a form of therapy for myself as well as helping those that identify as a victim of abuse. it is also meant for those that are dealing with addiction.I am in active in NA now and in group therapy.I am a survivor of childhood sex abuse. I am a drug addict in recovery. As a fair warning; some might find this show at its content triggering so please use caution as I talk in detail about my life and those things that happened to me.Be a blessing and may you find serenity.
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Dear mother: a eulogy for a hard woman
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27:21
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27:21
My mother passed away. This episode I talk about the cycle of life, funerals, being missed, being remembered, and the role of children. My mother wore the chain she forged in life, and pressed it upon me. I feel a sense of relief for her passing. Her birthday approaches and I feel nothing. I read again from Poe. The cycle of life repeats. My turn t…
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This episodes deals with the election for president as politic entered group therapy recently. I read from Anarchism and other essays by Emma Goldman. The article is entitled “patriotism: a menace to liberty. The real separation of human is based on wealth: rich vs poor. I call for a national divorce between American and politicians.…
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I don’t know (Clean and Sober)
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25:20
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25:20
In this episode I discuss a new member to the group who was diagnosed with co curing and has decided to do both, group therapy and NA. I read from my copy of the narcotics anonymous blue specifically on recovery and relapse. My opinion of therapy methodologies is just that , my opinion. I support whatever works for you. NA didn’t work for me. Life …
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This episode is about a therapy session topic again; Memorial Day weekend. We spoke of life as war metaphor, the difference between surviving and victim. There is also mention of the current state of conflict around the world, and the purpose of remembering those that died fighting. I read from Robert Bloch “material instinct”, part 2. Prepare for …
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Take a chill pill or prepare for horror
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This episode deals with a few therapy sessions and the topic of patience. I deal with patience itself and the origins of the frustration they comes with someone telling you to relax or calm down. I talk about horror movies in the 80s. Good times.De către Steven Wilson
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This episode is really about the last month or so and my battle with serious illness. Influenza A Pneumonia Sepsis blood infection I read from Lovecraft story Herbest West reanimator. I know it is not a standard episode but what the hell… I survived.De către Steven Wilson
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This episode is another based on group therapy and what I’m dealing with my mother being in a nursing home. These are observations I have made for my mother as well as the other residents of the home. The reading is Whitmans “Thanks or old age” I also use the bill Murray film Groundhog Day to express the similarities between repetition and seeing y…
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The group diagnosed me : I’m angry (Dr Lovecraft told me to chill out)
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28:59
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28:59
Today’s episode is an update on my life dealing with my mom in a nursing home. I went to group therapy and told them what I feeling. They told me I was angry because my own life had disappeared. I don’t agree. The reading is HP Lovecraft’s “Dagon”. I chose it for obvious reasons. If you are a victim of rape like me or any kind of abuse you can alwa…
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Elder care and nursing homes in the United States of America
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28:29
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28:29
Respect vs Rules In this episode my topic is based on my experiences with my mom’s nursing home and all the paperwork involved with her care. I talk about the nucleus of medica in America: who’s gonna pay this bill? I read from Irving Goffman’s “Asylums”. I focus on the binary deviations of organizational structure and function. These revolve aroun…
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Ray Bradbury once called people “books just walking around”. Well, I believe people are time machines too. This episode I continue documenting my life as I transition my mother to nursing care. I talk about packing her stuff and it ending up in storage. I talk about her sadness turning to anger at her aging goes natural, but wrong according to her …
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Mom fell and is now in a nursing home (Am I a good son?)
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27:34
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27:34
Today’s episode is based on recent events involving my mother and her falling. She had been living on her own and fell. Luckily the pharmacy was delivering her meds and found her. No one knows for sure how long she was out. I look at the past week and how it is going being her son. Am I a good son? I read the funeral poem by Mary Frye, do not stand…
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Today’s episode is based on holidays and their meaning within the framework of the celebration itself. I take some the analysis from our group session. I read “Nature” from Longfellow. I think it is a great poem on death. What is Halloween? Christian or Gaelic or other? What is it to be religious in todays world? Of celebration of the dead?…
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This episode is about reflective morality. I read from the book, The moral life by John Dewey. Ethics is defined as the science of conduct within the ranges of good/bad or good/evil. I discuss my metaphor for ethics: driving an automobile. I also discuss Bentham and the concept within Philosophy of law :legal positivism. I talk about the justice/re…
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This episode is just basic celebration stuff. I talk about being a suicide and keeping time.. I talk about my best friend in grade school. I read from “Something wicked this way comes” by Ray Bradbury. Happy Birthday to all of You!!De către Steven Wilson
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American Asylum: The structure of Trust
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27:54
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27:54
Form follows Function. Or so it goes. This episode again ventures into political philosophy here in America while at the same time dealing with some opinions of mine about my group therapy format. The reading for this episode is taken from the Federalist Papers: specifically, no. 10. James Madison admits something about the human that have always f…
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this episode is a tangent of the standard as summer has made group therapy light in attendance and topics thinner than usual. This episode deals with the timeless assumption that america is an asylum. Asylum is defined as a place or people that needs care. I think that fits perfectly. I maintain the format by reading prior to podcast, and this time…
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Measure me, Measure you (The Flash Movie)
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Time is a concept that requires one to have a mental illness to keep it. The Greek believed past, present , and future meant time existed. Einstein said time didn’t exist in the way people speak of it. For me, the DC comic film “The Flash” is based on a main story line in Barry Allen’s comic; going back in time to save his mother’s life which would…
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I am grateful for my life in America. I am well aware of the cancer within this country, but that doesn’t keep me from acknowledging the benefits. This episode is based off the happenings in another group therapy session between two members: one, he was speaking of the trauma of his dog losing a toy while, two, the second member was speaking of the…
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This episode is based a group therapy game where everyone in the group picks one superpower they would love to have. this is a form of linguistical Rorschach in that it tells a great deal about the person. The reading is from HP Lovecraft “Dunwich Horror”. I chose the power to bring back the dead. Biblical in all.…
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Casualties of War, Casualties of Time
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25:47
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25:47
Time. the most precious thing in the universe ; and it is the heart of this podcast-unevenly. In this episode I again speak of our group therapy discussions and deal with the war in Ukraine, and how the “victims” of a war touch the victims of sexual abuse. I read from “Are prisons obsolete?” By Angela Davis. I was always impressed with her critical…
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this episode deals with myself revisiting NA. I read from th blue book and find its opening salvo hitting the human self bulls eye. I see each person as a recipe of sorts; needing just the right amount of certain things to exist and function. obviously this doesn’t work for all of us as I am proof of dysfunction. I embrace the recipe for myself and…
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The Grinch and the consumerism of Merry Christmas
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27:26
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27:26
Tonight I speak about how one member of the group session and their testimonial about one of. The circumstances in which they were raped. The group member gave a testimonial about what happened while watching How the Grinch stole Christmas TV special. I watched it this morning and it became a slight trigger for myself and afterwards I felt sick to …
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Be grateful; there are worse things than COVID
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25:10
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25:10
Today’s podcast episode is a simple list of things I am grateful for in my life. The list is not in any special order. It is just a exercise we did in group therapy. Everyone went around after having ten minute s to write out what the things in their life they were grateful for. In this episode I go through my list and share other observations as w…
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Art is my life now and has been for a long time. this episode is about the types of art I do . Visual art Piano composition Pyrography Leather craft Poetry Fiction writing I enjoy opera (Don Giovanni) and some ballet. I attend many art exhibition openings. Art expression and creativity is crucial to my existence. Www.Steven Wilson relations.com is …
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Trick or treat: the costume lifestyle
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26:13
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26:13
Today’s episode is based on Halloween and a few guys in group take on safety in modern America. One of the guys in group got abused on Halloween by a man passing out candy. this started the discussion about the changes society put in place to protect kids today from danger. These things were not happening when I was young. I also speak about the co…
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Today’s episode is again taken from group therapy and how two members are dealing with medication changes as well as dealing with the reality of being called patient even out of hospital. America doesn’t treat mental illness with the same vigor or acceptance of physical or biological illness. this reality is a harsh one indeed. Coping with this bus…
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Happy Birthday (the city within the city)
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28:15
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Today’s episode is about my birthday and how I celebrate things. The reading is from 1948 “Lost Son” by Theodore Roethke . I read parts 4 and 5 this time. I speak about how death and funerals have changed my view of myself and society in America. I speak on virtue and other valuations taken into consideration for a life lived as well as funerals be…
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Found Guilty and feeling Guilty
27:49
27:49
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27:49
This episode involve the running dialogue within my group about our Judicial in America regarding pedophilia. I take my reading from Marquis De Sade’s Dialogue “The Priest and the dying man”. The running dialogue involves the difference between revenge and justice for those prosecuted for the crimes of sexually abusing a minor. This is a topic whic…
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Aristotle’s Apolaustikos (Love and happiness)
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18:18
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18:18
Today’s episode is based on my assessment of group members in regards to Aristotle’s work on friendships. I also use Thomas Merton’s “No man is an Island”. I find that there is a different life for those of us who were sexually abused as children when people discover that we were raped; and then discover that we attend group therapy or individual t…
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In this episode I deal with the metaphors and analogies pertaining to life, addiction, and abuse. War. The term gets used , perhaps too much, which makes it devalued language game. Often we say, “war on drugs”, “war on poverty”, “war on depression’. I call for a war on safety…I call for a war on prevention as I believe one should embrace the chaos …
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This episode I explore the educational paradigm of being known as a victim and how that translates to those around us; especially our family and how they treat us socially. My group discussed how they are treated when they return to family gatherings and how they conduct themselves and how they are treated by family and friends that know they were …
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this episode is about Timing. A time to heal, a time to live, a time to die. I have always believed that now is the best time to do something because now is all you have. Making plans to do something later on may make you seem civilized or adult, but it is completely illogical. No one is guaranteed tomorrow. I begin this episode with a letter from …
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This episode is based on the coping skill called repression. I do not rebirth Freud , but rather I delve into how I used it to survive the traumatic events of my past and the sex abuse I suffered in the 7th grade. My coping skills revolve around hedonism; sex drugs and debauchery. All are considered to be unhealthy life choices. All are considered …
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Lawn care and the impression it leaves
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27:53
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27:53
This episode I talk about the Halo effect and the way judgment takes place upon us all the time. We also judge people; based on physical traits. The Halo effect is defined in psychology as projecting attributes upon someone based on unrelated physical appearance; for example, one might say, “she looks crazy” or “he looks smart”. This show is in res…
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I had to upload this one again as the new upload removed this episode. Buzz sprout doesn’t know what happened.De către Steven Wilson
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This episode isn’t a regular episode. It is based on a statement from one of the guys in my adult survivor group saying that the shooting was “just another shooting”. It was uncharacteristic of him to be indifferent about such suffering and atrocity. Again, I did not analyze him or any other in the group but I do so now within the construct of the …
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Family part 2: Birth, Chosen, and the roles within
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25:03
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25:03
This episode is more of the clinical form of group dynamics as I do mention those things we have studied within psychology called group dynamics. Here, I equate family to group dynamics. if you listened to part 1 you will have a clearer comprehension for this episode. Plus, you miss me reading from lovecraft’s “the thing at the door step”.…
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Family part 1: Birth, Chosen, and the roles within
35:27
35:27
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35:27
I begin this episode with a Lovecraft story in which the main characters become “brothers” due to circumstance and commonality. This episode is about the group dynamics of family and the roles we play within the family unit. I use many things from my education; the one class I taught in college, my own group therapy, and the stories of group member…
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Relationships: Kindness and Time
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36:06
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36:06
Tonight’s episode is about the problems males have with adult relationships after having been sexually abused as children. These include: trust, power, intimacy, and sexuality. The most important addressed in therapy is Trust. And the best way to build trust is through honesty. I talk about the point of disclosure to someone whom you have a relatio…
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Toonight’s episode deals with the utility of Art Therapy. I have been involved in Art Therapy and created a significant amount of artwork based on past trauma; specifically the rape and abuse I suffered in 7th grade. Members of the adult survivor group found some images disturbing. I doubt the works will ever be exhibited. I can’t imagine a gallery…
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This weeks episode is about the utility of therapy. The group is for men who were sexually abused as children. The moderator asked the question , “Why come to therapy?” It was after the session I began to analyze the people in my life outside of the group and to what value or happiness they added to my life. I wanted to know if I was satisfied or i…
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Depreciation: X gives value to my life
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32:26
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32:26
This episode is about Human Value. This week in group therapy we discussed human value as victims of rape and abuse as children. The group is Adult survivors of childhood sex abuse. The group is made up of entirely all men. I noticed that each person spoke of value as X gives my life meaning. I didn’t ask why they kept replacing meaning with value …
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This episode I explore my thoughts about those of us considered to be on the margin of society. I read from Edgar Allan Poe’s “The Fall of the House of Usher” to add the listener in comprehending the mental health of those who believe they themselves are condemned to suffer; to live a life on the margin because they are excluded from normal society…
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Tonight’s show is about Suffering. I incorporate Metaphysics (philosophy and poetry) as the topic in group has come up before and I feel like it will return. Suffering is relative or subjective and can be done through comparison rationale in the unnatural minds of the sufferer’s, but one must say “I” suffer in order for any healing to take place. O…
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Masquerade: Life is a zero sum game
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25:47
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25:47
Today’s topic is change. This past week the group moderator spoke about us taking all the negative in our lives and converting it into positive. It is true that change is possible, but I don’t believe it can be permanent as it is unnatural to maintain life wearing a costume or to go from one costume to another for the sake of normalcy. Life is abou…
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We make great Scarecrows: Regrets were once just decisions
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25:44
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25:44
This episode is about last week’s group therapy discussion and my interpretation on that session. I call addicts and victims of sex abuse Scarecrows set upon fields that grow nothing of value. The field is a metaphor for the field of psychiatry and the current state of our mental health system here in America. I speak on regrets as grieving and apo…
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Self Help and the consequences of Shame
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22:45
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22:45
In this episode I refer to a book by Beverly Engel called “It wasn’t your fault”. It was a book brought up in a group therapy session that I and two others had read. I thought it would be a good topic for a podcast. Her conclusions are based on her 30 plus years as a psychotherapist and as a victim of abuse herself. She believes that fault will man…
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This episode is another Letter to someone special to me. I have spent many hours in therapy trying to understand our dynamic. I have tried in vain to comprehend my own broken heart. I know I hurt her. I know she brought me back to humanity. The Monolithic human stone felt again; I just couldn’t handle feelings. I love Lekechia, but we do not talk. …
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This episode I write another letter, but this one is to my childhood best friend from Crystal Lake, IL. Jeff lived on Millard st. And I lived on Gardina which is called the Vista or at least is was back then. We were both the babies or last born in our families. He had two older brother; dan and Tom. I had an older sister Marie. We went to West ele…
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This episode I write a letter to my first love Mark Wilson (no relation). He was my first and only relationship with another male. In therapy it was discussed about my sexuality confusion during this time after the sex abuse I suffered from the Teacher. I have spent many sessions talking about Mark and I; and the conclusion was that I never grieved…
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