Problem Solving without Arguing

Blessed Winds Bible Messages

This episode discusses ways to discuss problems without them turning into arguments. The first look is at 1 Peter 3 8-12 which gave an overview. Then the episode turns to some rules that my wife and I have followed our entire relationship. I credit this technique for keeping us from arguing and having a long healthy relationship. We did not realize when we created the rules how biblical they were.
1 Peter 3:8-12 8 Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble. 9 Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. 10 For,

“Whoever would love life

and see good days

must keep their tongue from evil

and their lips from deceitful speech.

11 They must turn from evil and do good;

they must seek peace and pursue it.

12 For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous

and his ears are attentive to their prayer,

but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.”[a]

Psalm 34:13 keep your tongue from evil and your lips from telling lies.
James 1:19-20 19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.
Romans 8:9 You, however, are not in the realm of the flesh but are in the realm of the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, they do not belong to Christ.
Luke 6:45 A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.
The Rules:
1.) Choose your battles
Ecclesiastes 7:21-22 Do not pay attention to every word people say, or you may hear your servant cursing you—22 for you know in your heart that many times you yourself have cursed others.
2.) No name calling
Matthew 5:21-22 21 “You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘You shall not murder,[a] and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ 22 But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister[b][c] will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, contempt is answerable to the court. And anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell.
Proverbs 15:1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
3.) No swearing
Proverbs 4:24 Keep your mouth free of perversity; keep corrupt talk far from your lips.
James 5:12 Above all, my brothers and sisters, do not swear—not by heaven or by earth or by anything else. All you need to say is a simple “Yes” or “No.” Otherwise you will be condemned.

4.) Don't Pack the suitcase
Ephesians 4:26-27 “In your anger do not sin”[d]: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold.
Matthew 18:15 “If your brother or sister[a] sins,[b] go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over.

5.) Listen first
James 1:19-20 19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.
6.) Admit when you are wrong - Don't lie
Psalm 34:13 keep your tongue from evil and your lips from telling lies.
Proverbs 12:22 The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in people who are trustworthy.
Proverbs 16:18 Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.