Building A Healthy Relationship with Yourself and Your Partner-Jasmine Loo

Neurodiverse Love with Mona Kay

If you would like to learn more about Mona's support groups, workshops or the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards or Workboook you can check out her website at: www.neurodiverselove.com _________________________________________________ During this episode, Mona has a fantastic conversation with psychologist and author, Jasmine Loo, who is in Melbourne, Australia. Jasmine is the author of the book: "Nurturing Neurodivergence-The Late Identified Adults' Guide to Building Healthy Relationships With Self and Others". The topics discussed include: Vulnerability of neurodivergents in relationships. How difficulties in perspective taking can impact how we think others see the world and lead to relational trauma. How trusting can lead to trauma. Understanding healthy vs unhealthy relationships. Explicit learning may be useful. Needing a role model for healthy relationships. May have cognitive knowledge about many things, but may not be able to apply it. Having the memory, but having a gap applying the information in the future. Temporal myopia. Emotional distance from a painful memory can create a disconnect with emotional urgency and relevance. Toxic relationships may start out good. Gaslighting-makes you question your own sanity. Emotional and psychological abuse. Nuanced elements of relationships. Some cultures glorify certain behaviors that are not healthy. In the media, healthy relationship patterns may be seen as boring. Understanding your strengths and challenges and being able to ask for help when you need it. It may be hard to believe in your strengths, if you’ve been told how bad you are throughout your life. Traits are not inherently good or bad, however it is important to view them in different contexts. Understanding what can change or can’t between different neurotypes. Sensory overload will impact your response or reaction. Being in self protection mode. Knowledge is power. Self understanding and self acceptance go hand in hand. Learn how to fight in healthy ways. Open communication during sensory or emotional overload may lead to meltdown or shutdown. You can’t clap with one hand, so both partners need to understand each other. Understanding when you or your partners nervous system is dysregulated. Do not be afraid to hit “pause” in a conversation with your partner. Alexithymia-struggling for your brain to register cues from your body. Looking like you are going from 0-100 very quickly and understanding your body’s cues. Having an individual and a relationship sensory toolbox can help you re-regulate yourself and co-regulate with your partner. Understanding when we humanize ourselves it doesn’t have to dehumanize someone else. What you each need to feel safe in your relationships. “All emotions are okay although not all behaviors are.” Emotions don’t have to dictate behavior. Anger is not our enemy, it is trying to tell us something. The sticky brain and obsessionality-random thoughts or words that may get stuck in our heads. Can make it harder for ND people to move on. Learn to accept and understand the signs and doing “acceptance” work can help move out of “sticky brain” mode. Physical activity can ground you to the present. You can contact Jasmine through her psychology website: www.jasmineloopsychology.com or her author website: www.jasmine-loo.com --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/neurodiverse-love/support