Kat's Polyamory Origin Story

Poly Pathways

Kat's real-life journey into polyamory with host Kat! As a demisexual and occasionally bisexual white woman, Kat shares her evolution from a traditional monogamous background to embracing polyamory. Currently married to a cishet man and dating another cishet man (both monogamous to her by choice), Kat's story challenges conventional relationship norms while navigating family life with two young children.

Kat's path to polyamory wasn't a straight line – it began with a college roommate introducing her to the concept, which she initially dismissed. Years later, a profound three-year relationship with a close friend helped her realize she could maintain deep, meaningful connections with multiple people simultaneously. This revelation, coupled with her natural curiosity and desire to experience life's fullness, led her to embrace polyamory. Her journey continued as she developed a relationship with a professional acquaintance that blossomed into a significant partnership, and later included a year-long relationship with a woman she met through local poly groups.

The episode concludes with Kat's powerful message about the importance of claiming labels and finding community in the polyamorous world. She emphasizes how isolation can affect those practicing ethical non-monogamy, as both single and monogamous friends might struggle to relate to their experiences. This led to her collaboration with co-host Doc, a longtime friend since their early running days, to create the Poly Pathways Podcast as a platform for sharing experiences and building community.

Follow @polypathwayspodcast on social media

Note: This episode mentions "blue state" and discusses career considerations regarding privacy, but specific locations and professional details are intentionally withheld for privacy reasons.

Episode FAQs

Q: What does demisexual mean in the context of Kat's story?
A: For Kat, demisexuality means developing sexual attraction only after forming a deep emotional connection. This became evident when she describes her relationship evolution with her current partner, where friendship and intellectual connection preceded romantic attraction. It's important to note that demisexuality exists on a spectrum and can manifest differently for different people.

Q: How can someone navigate being polyamorous when their partners are monogamous?
A: According to Kat's experience, successful poly-mono relationships are possible when built on clear communication and mutual respect. In her case, both her husband and partner choose to be monogamous while supporting her polyamorous identity. The key is ensuring all parties are comfortable with the arrangement and maintaining open dialogue about boundaries and expectations.

Q: What's the difference between "looking for more" and being polyamorous?
A: Kat emphasizes that polyamory isn't about wanting "more" or being unsatisfied – it's about having the capacity for multiple meaningful connections. She uses the ice cream analogy: it's not about being greedy, but rather appreciating different types of connections, just as someone might enjoy different ice cream flavors for their unique qualities.

Q: How do you handle friendships when you're polyamorous?
A: The podcast highlights three common challenges:
- Single friends might struggle to relate to managing multiple relationships
- Monogamous friends may feel their relationship values are being challenged
- Finding supportive friends who understand polyamory can feel isolating
The solution? Building community with other poly people and maintaining open, honest conversations with existing friends.

Q: What role do labels play in polyamorous identity?
A: While Kat initially resisted labels, she found empowerment in claiming them. Labels like "polyamorous," "demisexual," and "bisexual" helped her better understand herself and connect with others who share similar experiences, despite sometimes facing misconceptions from others.

Relevant Resources

• Local polyamorous groups (check Meetup.com or Facebook for local communities)
• Social Media: @polypathwayspodcast
• Polyamory Support Communities:
  • Reddit: r/polyamory
  • Facebook polyamory groups (specific groups not mentioned)
• Books (affiliate links)
  • Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy by Jessica Fern - https://amzn.to/3ZojtOK
    • The Complete Polysecure Bundle by Jessica Fern - https://amzn.to/4gr6PVN
    • Polysecure and The Polysecure Workbook (Bundle) by Jessica Fern - https://amzn.to/3ZHkQsX
• The Ethical Slut by Janet Hardy and Dossie Easton - https://amzn.to/3VPDY5N
• Opening Up by Tristan Taormino - https://amzn.to/3BoeqWE