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Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies
Manage episode 402579213 series 3553805
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Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies (2012)
"He emancipated the slaves... he saved the Union... and slaughtered the undead!"
Tonight’s moronic movie is Abraham Lincoln Vs Zombies from the Asylum. That's actually the studio name, the asylum, not where they live … I don’t think. So the movie starts with an event left out of the history books, as momma Lincoln apparently was a zombie, and rather than kill her, poppa Lincoln shot himself, leaving a 9-year-old Abe to kill momma with a scythe. Frankly, if that had been taught in my history class in high school, my grades would have been much better.
So according to this movie, four score and seven minutes later, Abe was brought forth upon a most excellent adventure. Soon after the Battle of Gettysburg, zombies began to rise, and unlike most zombie movies, it’s not a scientist trying to warn the government about zombies; the commander-in-chief has some unique insight into the zombie problem. This highly unique insight into the zombie problem is that zombies exist. And the 16th POTUS plans on killing as many of them as possible with his trusty child-size scythe. This is a helpful plot point to distinguish this movie from the much more popular Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter.
Welcome to the Silver Screen Cesspool, where we review the poo! With your host, the surveyor of sh*tty cinema, the mocker of moronic movies, the "Terror of Tiny Town," the last known survivor of "Battlefield Earth," the one of many, Allen Smithee!
Written, Directed, & Starring Allen Smithee
Assistant Director, Producer & Stunt Coordinator Allen Smithee
BoomMic Operator, Sound Editing, & Music Allen Smithee
Construction Coordinator The Amazing Rando
MakeUp Crayola
Catering Soylent Corp
Allen Smithee will be back in Return of the Curse of the Planet of Prehistoric Bikini Ninjas Vs Kingdom of the Bride of the Killer Shark Cheerleaders 2: Electric Boogaloo
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1. Abraham Lincoln Vs Zombies (00:00:00)
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