Relentless Podcast, Episode 7: When Church Leaders Fail

This Undone Life Together with Michele Cushatt

I thought they’d come to offer compassion and support. Instead, they’d come to criticize and correct.

I was desperate for comfort, maybe some wisdom or guidance. What I received was something quite different. When I look back on that day, the memories still feel painful. I am no longer the young girl I once was. And yet these church leaders whom I’d loved and respected for most of my life left me heaped in accusation and shame. They “neglected connection for the sake of harsh correction.” And I can still feel the sting.

It’s been decades since that day, and I’ve spent many years in ministry since. I’ve come to realize that, as leaders of the church, “We are capable of great good, but we are also capable of significant harm,” in spite of our best intentions. And although I know what it’s like to be recipient of such harm, I also must admit that at times I’ve been the one to cause it.

As Christians, we have a history of distorting a relationship with God into a transaction of rigid codes and regulations. As a result, we often treat each other the same.

That night in my parents’ living room so long again convinced me that my value was equal to my obedience; neither my pain nor my perspective held any weight. I was only as loved as I was good. As a result, something in my heart broke. ”In a religious world of black and white rules there is no space for growth, grace, or complex teenage emotions. The priority? Good behavior, obedience, doing what is expected of you every time without fail.” That moment ended up shaping my ability to connect with God and others for decades to come.

In chapter 5 of Relentless, I discuss Ark of the Covenant, the visible evidence of God’s presence with the Israelites. Here, God’s presence dwelled upon the “Mercy Seat.” “Our disobedience required death, but... God’s presence sat in mercy, not in judgment. He could have demanded payment from us, but instead he offered it.” So, I’ve developed 4 key-truths for us to consider as we seek to hold in tension the beauty of obedience and mercy.

4 KEY TRUTHS:

1. Even well-intentioned, God-loving Christian leaders get it wrong from time to time. That includes you & me. The mercy seat exists for a very good reason. Let’s humbly embrace it.

2. Securing someone’s compliance doesn’t mean we’ve captured their heart. There’s a simple question I ask myself in situations of delayed-compliance, “Do I want robots or do I want relationship?”

3. When we emphasize obedience before connection, we will always end up with a fractured relationship. Connect before you correct.

4. God is the only one who connects & corrects in perfect proportion. He has every right to demand our compliance while offering nothing in return; yet, God’s primary aim was always to be with us.

This brings us to Altar Stone #5:

I want you to look for God’s presence in places of mercy. Try this exercise: sit in a chair & give it a new name—The Mercy Seat. In this new seat, take time to read your Bible. Consider Jesus’ arrest, death, crucifixion, and resurrection. Remember: God sits in mercy, not judgment.