The Difference Between Regulating Internally Versus Externally

Thrive Like A Parent

EP:74 The majority of humans somehow get into the pattern of learning how to regulate themselves on an external basis, which means they rely on everyone and everything else around them to give them permission, as well as allow them to regulate their nervous system.

I find that the individuals who are externally regulating, it's as if that human is in a sea of water. And they are waving their hands around with tons of waves and white caps around them, and they are just treading water. And you can't do that forever. But what ends up happening is we're in the middle of the sea begging for a life raft.

Externally, the individuals around you are not meant to satiate and take care of your nervous system. Can they support you? You bet. But can they fix and throw you a life raft? Every single time all the time? 24/7? No. And the reason being is that A: It's not realistic. And B, they have their own nervous system to take care of.

Go down that rabbit hole and explore all the things that make YOU feel good. AND DECIDE to support yourself. Because what's waiting for you on the other side is such freedom, freedom from resentment and anger from your loved ones. Freedom for holding permission and everyone else's hands for your happiness and your mental health. Freedom from needing to feel worthy from others, and most importantly, regulating through someone else and other things externally.

More tips on this week episode of Thrive Like a Parent podcast.