Chapter 16: The Descendants of the Deplatformed

Unstoppable Farce; The Mitch Maloney Story

Mitch finds himself in a toxic underground cavern in the captivity of a contingent of cryptozoological curiosities. Will he be able to escape his imprisonment? Will he be reunited with his affable Swedish chauffeur Leif? Will we ever get back to the lurid showbusiness tell-all we were promised?
Endnotes:

1. Russell Brand, My Bookie Wook; A Memoir of Sex, Drugs, and Stand-Up (New York, HarperCollins, 2009) p.122. Capsule Review: Like Brand as a performer, the linguistic highbrow/lowbrow seesaw schtick goes from highly impressive to grating pretty quickly, especially in regards to the proud tales of sexual exploits that in retrospect read more like the confessions of a predator. Slack Score: 15; Snark Score: 12.7; Overall FCA ranking: 327
2. Miranda Sings (aka Colleen Bollinger), My Diarrhe (New York, Simon & Schuster, 2018) p.123 Capsule Review: one of the most poorly written of any of the FCBs I’ve ever read, just from the perspective of grammer and spelling, although I guess she deserves some credit for writing it all out by hand. Completely unhinged account of the bewildering rise of the Miranda Sings character among the middle school set, bubbling under the surface with insecurities and inability to tolerate criticism even when in jest and from ifiteen year olds. Instead of an honest account, she maintains the Miranda persona throughout, a narrative conceit I have trouble stomaching. Slack Score: -6; Snark Score: 1.5; Overall FCA Ranking: 451
3. Russell Brand, Bookie Wook 2: This Time it’s Personal (New York, HarperCollins, 2010) p196 Capsule Review: The first one must have sold well, as this ostensible sequel was pushed out exactly one year later. As might be expected, this is a case of diminishing returns, with most of the primo bibliographical tales already mined, Brand is forced to spend more time pontificating on his nascent psuedo-philosophic concepts and anti-political posturing laying the groundwork for his coming devolution. This time around he’s sober, and has moved from burgeoning, quirky personality to full-blown pop star marrying and quickly divorcing A (or maybe A- to B) lister. Even though the hard drugs are gone, the obsession with sex is in full effect, and there are several troubling passages, and a lengthy exploration of one particularly upsetting episode that foreshadow scandalous revelations to come. Slack Score: 15; Snark Score: 6.5; Overall FCA ranking: 552