Navigating Family Feuds | 1 Samuel 19:4-7

Vince Miller Podcast

Do you have a family member who is super irritating right now?

If not, that person is probably you.

Welcome to the Daily Devo. I am Vince Miller.

This week, we are in a new chapter, 1 Samuel 19. I've titled this chapter "When Enemies Pursue God Will Protect."

Let's jump into our text in 1 Samuel 19:4-7, which reads:

And Jonathan spoke well of David to Saul his father and said to him, “Let not the king sin against his servant David, because he has not sinned against you, and because his deeds have brought good to you. For he took his life in his hand and he struck down the Philistine, and the Lord worked a great salvation for all Israel. You saw it, and rejoiced. Why then will you sin against innocent blood by killing David without cause?” And Saul listened to the voice of Jonathan. Saul swore, “As the Lord lives, he shall not be put to death.” And Jonathan called David, and Jonathan reported to him all these things. And Jonathan brought David to Saul, and he was in his presence as before. — 1 Samuel 19:4-7

We need different types of godly friends—not just good friends, but godly friends who will have our backs and risk something to stand in the gap between. That is what David has in Jonathan. He has an ally, as we discussed in the last chapter. Still, we see he is also willing to advocate for him as a new member of the family, a warrior, and the one through whom the Lord worked great salvation in Israel, underscoring the importance of godly friends.

Jonathan is not oblivious to the situation in his family, and he is not going to sit around passively while this act of aggression and injustice takes place. He knows that his father's sinful progression toward David is ever-increasing. So he decides to step in to temper his father's spirit, advocate for his friend and brother-in-law, and bring peace to the men he cares about. Yet we all know this is hard to achieve in a family if the offended member cannot get beyond a past situation.

As long as I have lived, I have seen that most families have one member who harbors bitterness from past situations. There is usually also one member with emotional or behavioral issues. When these two attributes combine, this person plays the role of the angry, bipolar, grudge-holder. The problem in David's instance is that King Saul retains all the power in the family system, which is oppressive because his authority and decisions trump everyone else. Therefore, Jonathan steps in to play his role: the peacemaker. If you have read ahead, you will know that this is a mere temporary fix and that the next decade of David's life was a living hell running from the bitterness, anger, and aggression of his father-in-law. Nonetheless, David and Jonathan worked to honor God and Saul, his role, and their relationship through it all.

We all have difficult family members. My parents were challenging to love as a believer. But I also had to learn how to love and respect them even when our values did not align and remain faithful to biblical teaching to honor them as far as possible. Today, reflect on how you are doing with this in your family. Consider the person's role that irritates you, and then find a way to maintain peace and godly character as far as possible. We don't get to choose our family, but we are responsible for choosing to act in a God-honoring way.