Reclaiming the Self & Soul, with Kat Polsinelli

Say YES to Your Soul

Reclaiming the Self & Soul with Kat Polsinelli

Join host Tessa Lynne Alburn and guest Katherine Polsinelli in this raw podcast episode about one woman’s strength and will to overcome her untenable marital situation. “Kat” brings transparency and honesty to the conversation as she reveals her inner world and where she needed to “fake it till she made it.” Following an unexpected divine intervention moment with a client, Kat leapt into the unknown to find herself and her power on the other side.

Tessa’s Free Gift: If you want to reignite your Soul Fire, get your free E-Guide here and Say YES to Your Soul!

Check it out!

• From the mouths of babes: the ultimate wake-up call for a mother
• Learning to defy societal expectations
• Recovering from people-pleasing
• Reclaiming true identity and soul, in the leap to freedom
• Finding inner strength for protection of one’s self and their children
• Finally letting go of People Pleasing and being honest
• Healthy distraction for support along the way

About Kat

Kat Polsinelli is a mother and business and personal development coach. Creator and founder at The Lotus Effect, where success is about cultivating a powerful mindset and creating customized business operations that align with you and your true purpose. Whether it’s mastering time management, improving productivity, enhancing leadership skills, or fostering a growth-oriented mindset, we’ll provide you with tools and strategies to flourish in both your business and personal life.

Connect with Kat

Check out Kat’s podcast, “Real Chat with Kat” or find her on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Instagram: @TheLotusEffectCoach or @KatPolsinelli

Website: www.the-lotus-effect.com

* About the Host *

Tessa Lynne Alburn believes that every woman has the ability to learn to express their true voice, be heard, and fulfill their dreams.

As a Feminine Energy Coach and Soul Connection Mentor for women, Tessa supports you in having the freedom you crave and strong connections with others, as you live powerfully with joy and a sense of adventure.

Tessa’s Free Gift: If you want to be freer, happier and more courageous in life, get your free Soulful E-Guide here and Say YES to Your Soul!

http://www.tessafreegift.com/

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May You Say YES to Your Soul.

Transcript

Tessa (00:05):

Hello, today, I have a lovely guest for you. Her name is Kat Polsinelli. Kat with a K, by the way, is a business and personal development coach, podcaster speaker, a mother of two boys, and an overcomer of eight years of domestic abuse. Ah, so Kat has a passion for seeing others succeed. Thankfully, she made it through about eight years. She uses her personal story and the skills that she has developed as a unique way to approach helping others grow. Well, I am really looking forward to learning about your personal story and how you help others grow. So, ka you, you probably have a better sense of where you'd like to begin, but in your, in the challenge and then over the coming, the challenge so that you could be greater connected with your soul. Take it away,

Kat (01:08):

. Well, thank you Tessa, so much for the opportunity. I feel like I've been searching for my soul on and off through many challenges. the first one is actually getting pregnant at 16. I was the, the straight A student with all the dreams and aspirations and kind of shattered all that stuff. I did keep my son, he is now almost 19. And so I, I graduated early, thought I was doing great, clashed with my parents from old school teaching and also being a teenager who knows everything, which did land me in an eight year abusive relationship. But through that relationship, I landed my second son, who is now 15. So I'm very blessed to have both of my children. And I would definitely say that in the process of that, you know, I, I don't fit into the typical parameters where, you know, my family was abusive or there was a history of that.

(02:00):

I had a great home. My parents were still together 40 something years later. I had a great upbringing. I just was extremely hardheaded and I thought that I could fix it. And I also wanted something that my parents had, which was a family, right? And so I think that that's kind ofwhat kept me in that situation. What I didn't realize was the emotional abuse and what that ends up doing to someone and how much it beats them down to the point of not even realizing who they are or, or what their soul is. Right? You almost tend to conform to molding into like a secondary person of the person that you're with. But I can say that through that entire journey, the, the breaking point for me and, and really realizing that things needed to be different and I wasn't supposed to be here, was when my kids repeated at the ages of seven and three, that mommy was the bad guy.

(02:59):

Mm-hmm. you know, there was always arguments and some physical, a lot of more emotional abuse than anything in, in what, in the relationship that I was in. But hearing my kids repeat what he was saying to me is kind of where that light bulb moment really clicked. And it, it made me realize that I, while I could handle what was going on, even though really I wasn't, I couldn't allow my children to grow up to be like that. And that's, that's what started the journey in trying. And it took me two and a half years to get out of that situation. And funny enough, I, I actually worked for a doctor at the time and I dealt with a lot of patients and I had some I constantly talked with and chatted with. And I had someone that constantly came in and I knew worked for the court system.

(03:45):

So I was just asking questions after a really bad altercation at home. And I'm not really sure what happened, but I do believe that it was divine intervention because I spilled my guts for some odd reason, which was not very typical of me. And I was forced to make a decision. And I, what he told me was, is I actually worked for the domestic abuse section in the court system. And what you've told me means that there is harm to you and your children. So you can do one of two things. I can take care of this for you and I can call the police or you can call 'em yourself. And so that

Tessa (04:16):

Started night, right then in that moment there you were just like, bam, it's in my face, I've gotta deal with it now. This is the, this is the moment. Yep. So how did you, how did you get through that moment? Now you, I mean, I imagine you must have been scared and like a lot of feelings going on, right?

Kat (04:38):

Oh yeah. The emotions, I, I, I can't even compare it to, to anything else that, that I've ever been through. You know, there was that point of fear and there was that point of, oh, I'll just deal with it. And then once I was kind of hit with this, like, you need to make a decision, it's, it was extremely overwhelming. But at the same time, there was a, a part of peace, right? That it was like, okay, like I have no freaking clue what the hell's about to happen. I was renting a house, I didn't have anywhere to go. I had a good job. That was the end. And I kind of was like, screw it. And I just took the leap after bawling my eyes out in the bathroom, for a good 10 or 15 minutes before, like really kind of getting myself together and being like, you know, like, you can do this. Right? And that was definitely probably one of the scariest moments of my life was stepping into and off that ledge and jumping into the darkness and hoping right, that I would land on the bottom on my feet and not break my back.

Tessa (05:38):

Yes. Because you had no experience with that, with those choices, and you had been mm-hmm. , emotionally, mentally abused for so long. I imagine your confidence, your self-esteem was pretty low. And then here's this little angel sitting there in the courthouse who's like, lady, this is your choice. .

Kat (06:01):

Yep. . That's, yeah. So you took

Tessa (06:04):

That leap Leap. Yeah.

Kat (06:07):

Yeah. That was, that was the hardest part. what followed after really tested my strength, making sure that my kids were okay, were, was the very first and complete priority. Right. I knew that I had been through enough and I could figure it out. And so that wasn't my concern. I immediately reached out to my family, which I had been disconnected with on and off over the eight years. And I told them what I did and I told them what happened. And of course they opened me or open arms welcome me back in. I moved into a one bedroom that they had available at the house with my two kids. They were 10 and seven. when I, when I got out of it. And it was, it was an interesting journey. It wasn't what I guess I was kind of thinking, which was, okay, I move out, he'll be arrested, I'll go to court, and like, that'll be the end because then I had to prove in court what happened.

(06:57):

And then I had to have the testimony. You have to go back up and tell your story 10 different times it feels like, to all these different people that like no one believes what you're saying, right? Because they've heard so many people that have been through abusive situations and it just feels like you're being completely written off. And to go through that and have to muster up the courage to constantly retell your story and get people to believe you was really hard. And then on top of that, dealing with also working through him, being able to see my youngest one, my youngest one was his biologically, my oldest one was not. So when we went to court to fight for custody, hadn't, they could have cared less about my oldest one. That was the end. He was done. They didn't care. And I was in a weird situation where his mother had been in the court system for 20 years, so she had a lot of connections. And I really struggled with that because every time I told my story and every time I told people and I mustered up the courage to let people know who I was and what I had been through, it really felt like it was just constantly being smashed.

Tessa (08:00):

Oh, that sounds awful. That would've, you just must be made of some really strong cloth or something , because , I mean, just, just that whole cycle. Yeah. It was very, very messy. There's nothing easy about going through those sorts of changes in the whole court system and all, everything that has to unfold, all the unraveling and the fighting and then the new agreements and all that stuff. And you were also taking a lot mm-hmm. on a personal level where people didn't get things. How did you stay strong and courageous through all of that? Kath?

Kat (08:40):

I would love to say that it was all internal and I just, I actually faked it. if I'm being completely honest, I faked it through a lot. I used my kids as my gleaming piece of hope. I knew that I had to do it for them. Like that was my sole. And then I distracted myself with absolutely anything I possibly could. I put myself back in school. So I went in an online college to finish my degree and I went I did that at night while they were sleeping. So I'd stay up till like midnight doing work to keep myself busy. and then when I wasn't working 45, 50 something hours a week at a job, I couldn't say no to for absolutely anything. I was people pleasing to everybody else. So if my parents needed something, if my sister needed something, if friends needed something, anything and everything I could do to not have to sit alone with my thoughts is what I did for the first year of leaving that abusive relationship. And when I wasn't busy doing that, I was busy making up for all the things my kids and I never got to do. So we were always going out hiking or they were going to a swimming hole, or we were doing something so that I could make up for all the times that we were not allowed to leave the house.

Tessa (09:47):

Yes. So a lot of overcompensation, I mean, it, a lot of those things were good. Right. And it is so awesome that you really were able to be in that mother role and keep your kids as the most important focus, but you were also weren't really getting your needs met, so you were doing more than probably you needed to, but distracting yourself sounds like pretty healthy ways, but, and all the people pleasing, I'm am curious, a lot of my listeners tend to fall into the people pleasing mode. So , when did you figure that part out and how did you overcome it?

Kat (10:23):

Oh gosh. I would love to say, oh, shortly after that it took me , it took me several years after the first year, getting close to the first year, I, I started actually having breathing issues at work randomly throughout the day. And we couldn't figure out what was happening. And my blood pressure kept dropping. So my doctor was like, you need to go see someone. I was sent to one doctor, I had to wear a heart monitor for 24 hours. I actually had to go see a heart specialist. I had a thousand extra beats and a 24 hour period.

Tessa (10:52):

Wait a second, wait a second. And nobody

Kat (