Ep 64 | Breaking the Cycle of Narcissistic Abuse

But Still, She Thrives - Narcissistic Abuse, Toxic Relationships, Grey Rock Method, Healthy Boundaries, Childhood Abuse, Trauma Healing

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TRANSCRIPT
Speaker 1: (00:00)
Hello Queens. Welcome to, but still she thrives. Today we are gonna talk about breaking the cycle after narcissistic abuse. What does that mean? Stay close. And I will let you know,
Speaker 1: (00:15)
Hey Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you wanna stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist? You find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with and wondering how you can heal. Now, do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted? And mind ed, girl, I see you. I'm Christie. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life. And I wished I could undo the damage. I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refuse to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So, shields up ladies, let's go protect our peace.
Speaker 1: (01:12)
Alright, so breaking the cycle after narcissistic abuse. This is for the people who have even overcome, in many ways narcissistic abuse. Maybe you're out of the relationship, but you still may have emotions, you may have negative thoughts, you may have things still attached to this abuse that you kind of wanna just white knuckle and just like run through and keep running and going through life. You have a lot of great things going for you and you don't want this holding you back anymore, right? But we're gonna dive into why you need to break that cycle and address it. And how, so number one, for your, uh, general emotional wellbeing. This is kind of an obvious one, but sometimes people don't realize how deep, really deep the abuse with narcissistic abuse specifically can go, right? It can lead to severe distress, it can cause anxiety, depression, low self-esteem.
Speaker 1: (02:17)
And sometimes when we're in narcissistic abusive situations, we think, especially if it's from childhood, we just think, oh, I just always had anxiety. I've always had depression. I've always, you know, been an overthinker over analyzer. That can be a result of abuse, right? A lot of the things associated with anxiety and depression can be caused by the trauma that narcissistic abuse causes, right? The low self-esteem. Same thing. So breaking this cycle allows victims to prioritize their emotional wellbeing and work towards that healing. Oh, the fun healing journey you're on. 'cause if you're on here, there's obviously some want for further healing. And I love that. Number two, I like this one. I like this one because one of the hardest things that I went through with my abusive, past narcissistic, abusive past was the control I feel like I lost. So number two is regaining control.
Speaker 1: (03:22)
Narcissistic abusers specifically often exert control. Not often. They always, I mean, anybody I know that has been under the narcissistic, narcissistic thumb as I'll call it, anybody who has been under that thumb, you know what it feels like to be controlled. You may have dismissed it for years. You may have, you know, made it seem like not that big a deal, or, oh, that's just them, right? We, we make excuses because a lot of people around these people will make excuses for them. Not here, not on the queen show, we're not doing that anymore. But they want control. That's one of the, they want attention and they want control. If they lose control, they flip out. So the thing is, with our, their victims, they are constantly controlling you to the point. Often we become dependent on that control. So what happens if you're gonna look at that at like a balance, right?
Speaker 1: (04:24)
One side, I've got the control. What happens? Your control goes way down. You start questioning everything. You start questioning even your own thoughts. You start questioning if you know what's good for you, what's bad for you, right? Because they have enmeshed themselves so much and vice versa that you can, depending on the situation, how close you are, that a lot of narcissistic abuse is between two people that are cohabitating, um, or dating or in very close relationships. Even best friendships. Even if you don't live together, you're so enmeshed that there is a very unhealthy codependence going on, and that includes control usually on one person's end, which is the narcissist. So by regaining your control through this healing, it enables you to reclaim your autonomy and regain control over your life. Again, not just over your life, but trusting yourself again and saying, oh, I'm starting to see what I want and don't want, right?
Speaker 1: (05:28)
All those little decisions every day that we make, um, in my experience, it, it took a long time to even realize I had lost this ability to be confident in my own decisions. So it's a very common thing. You're not alone. Take a breath. We're all in this together. Um, and also regaining that control helps you realize the choices you have Now as a free person, you have these choices and you get to decide that you're good enough to make that choice and have that thing and live that life. And that's, that's where I get real riled up. I I'm gonna do a whole episode on that. Um, number three, you know, I'm a boundary lover. I have a whole course on this and beaches, I am giving a major special pricing because I'm so passionate about this today, that I wanna give you guys a really good deal if you've been looking at it.
Speaker 1: (06:27)
And this is the time to buy. It is an incredible price. It is such high value. And setting boundaries on this journey is literally life changing. You wanna talk about breaking the cycle. So not, not just that. You break the cycle for yourself, which obviously is important. That's the most important, right? You have to break the cycle of letting people like this in your life of dating people like this, of having friends that are controlling, having friends that you have to walk on eggshells around having, you know, family, uh, get togethers and feeling like, oh, you're just going to excuse such and such as abusive behavior because you're still stuck in the cycle. You might get away from one narcissist and still accept the behavior of another. So as a whole, we need to set these boundaries. Number three, setting boundaries so important. So, um, breaking the cycle involves setting and enforcing, right?
Speaker 1: (07:29)
So you have to first kind of evaluate the boundaries that you want. And that takes some deciding. Once you have that confidence going, Hey, I know what I want. I know this doesn't feel right in my body. And that gives you a big hint on what you do want and what your boundaries can be made from, right? And then you enforce, you have to actually enforce it, right? , which is crucial for maintaining a sense of self and protecting that emotional space we talked about in number one. So again, like walk, do not run to this boundaries course of mind. It is my baby. I love it. It, it will help you in so many ways. You, if you want to be able to break the cycle, this is like my secret ingredient to breaking the cycle of narcissistic abuse in your life. It is, I mean, like, it's the, it's the meat and potatoes of the meal, okay?
Speaker 1: (08:26)
There's gonna be some spices and other little things you can do. We'll talk about those. But this is like the big, big important ingredient that you deserve to have. And I walk you through it, all of it. It is a video series. You can watch it at your own pace and I walk you through it. I handhold you and I'm here if you have questions, you can find me on Instagram or email me, my email's always in the show notes. I want to help you and walk you through setting boundaries so you can break the cycle for your new epic freaking life. All right? Number four, rebuilding that self-esteem. Oh, narcissistic abuse can erode your self-esteem. Can I get a what, what anyone? Yeah. And that self-worth, uh, mine was the word that comes up for me is like capable. Like I was made to feel like I was not capable and I was not interesting or not, um, what's the word?
Speaker 1: (09:29)
I mean, capable always comes to mind with my situation, right? Like I was just to ma made to feel that just I wasn't capable enough. I wasn't smart enough that, that whole thing, right? So valuable, worthy, all those words come up for narcissistic abuse victims. Um, so breaking free allows survivors to focus on rebuilding that self-esteem and creating this positive self-image of yourself. And I promise it can happen. I have a much better, um, image of myself now than I did years ago. Um, and it took realizing that, that I had it, uh, or self-image. I didn't even realize how bad of a self-image I had really for years starting to really go on this journey. I put a mirror up to myself, which you do when you're healing, right? And you're like, wow, wow. I really, I have a lot of negative talking to myself.
Speaker 1: (10:25)
I think these thoughts about myself, where did that come right? Do you think back? You do all the, the retroactive talking to yourself and having someone talk at you, it's like this again, it comes with enmeshment, right? Someone's telling you all the time who you are, what you're not, and you start to have those thoughts is my point. Okay? So rebuilding self-esteem in number five, this is the big one we're talking about breaking that cycle, not just for yourself. And I have a DD so I totally jumped and forgot to go back to this. But also if you are a parent, I know a lot of, there's a lot of moms in, in my little following. Um, you want to break the cycle for your children as well or for the people around you. It could be for your friends being a better role model when you're more positive and you have more light in general, right?
Speaker 1: (11:20)
You know those people, they're more positive and uplifting. They make everyone around them feel better, right? So join that club 'cause we're queens. We don't have time to be to be on that other end, right? So preventing further harm, that's basically number five. So you're learning these boundaries. You're building your self-esteem. You've got your control and your desires back on your terms, right? So narcissistic abuse can lead to long-term arm, but I want you to remember it does not have to be forever and so much can be undone. So breaking that cycle is a crucial step in preventing that further damage, right? So if you're out of this situationship or whatever right now that you were in, congratulations, I am so proud of you. There's all this healing. But we can do it, we can do it in sparkle by sparkles. That's what I always call it, right?
Speaker 1: (12:21)
Little by little sparkle by sparkle. This doesn't have to feel so hard. It doesn't. We can do it at your own pace. Trust yourself. Start to get to know yourself and how it feels and moving forward, you're going to be able to prevent further harm from being done. 'cause we've already, we've had our hurt. We're done. Come on. That's my hands slapping it away. We don't want it anymore. We're done with it. I refuse to take the I took before I refuse. So on that note, okay, let's wrap it up. So obviously if you've got a lot going on, you need a therapist or a life coach. If you're gonna do a life coach, please make sure it's someone who knows about narcissistic abuse. Like myself. If you wanna work with me, I'll put in the show notes too, how to work with me. One-on-one, okay? But it, it's great to have support during this journey if you don't already. Okay? I'm gonna end with that, but I wanna go into some, um, affirmations here because I'm feeling like we need it. Like we need to remind ourselves who we are ourselves, okay? Take a deep breath in your nose and exhale out your mouth.
Speaker 1: (13:39)
We're gonna do three. Inhale and exhale. Inhale and exhale. Getting grounded. Okay, now I want you put your hands on your heart if you're in a space to do so. If you're driving, don't put your hands on your heart. That could be lead to bad things. Keep 'em on the wheel. . Just listen. If you are not, put your hands on your heart and repeat after me. I am better than I was treated. I will not tolerate or treatment anymore 'cause I'm a queen. Alright? I am so proud of you guys even for listening to this podcast. And please, this boundaries course will change your life and it is an insane price right now for the value. So beneficial. And it's just perfect for this podcast related to breaking the cycle because like I said, it is that secret ingredient that's no longer secret to you, okay?
Speaker 1: (15:00)
Of setting those boundaries. But there are secrets within, within the course, things you might not even think of when you're trying to evaluate and set boundaries. And it's fun. I mean, I'm hosting it, it's gotta be fun, right? And again, reach out if you have questions about it. Um, so I'll put that link with your special pricing in the show notes. And I'll also put like my one-on-one, how you can work with me. If you wanna get that like super, like I'm ready for like a major up level. You can slide in over there and check out my um, one-on-one offers. And I hope y'all are having a great week. Love you. Let's do our smooches and our deuces. I will see you in the next episode.