Ep.36 U-lone

The Chicken Mind Nuggets's Podcast

Chicken Mind Nuggets.

Hosted by Wifey

Chickenmindnuggets.com

[e-mail]

@mindchicken

References for this episode

https://www.theatlantic.com/culture/archive/2021/07/seek-you-american-loneliness-review-kristen-radtke/619578/?utm_source=pocket-newtab

Introduction music graciously provided by

Music from https://filmmusic.io
"Thinking Music" by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com)
License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)

Show script: (may differ slightly from spoken word)

One of my favorite things is spending time alone. I love doing things by myself. I lived alone for years, and loved having myself to myself. I would do a lot by myself such as go to restaurants, go hiking, and improve things for the tiny house. I would go to bed alone, eat alone, and watch TED talks alone. There was nothing wrong with it, it was awesome to be able to do things by myself because I enjoy my own company. People would ask me if I hated being lonely, but that is different than being alone. Alone means you and you. There isn’t anyone else with you. Lonely means you feel as if no one else is around you, no one understands you, or sometimes it means you feel that no one cares for you. Alone is a state, it’s an experience, it is a time in space not occupied by anyone else but you. Lonely is a feeling, it’s a mental state plagued by feelings of depression and sadness. We can feel lonely by being alone, but we can also feel fulfilled by being alone.

There is a widely distributed feeling that we should feel bad for those of us who are alone. We think they shouldn’t go to the movies alone, or eat dinner alone because surely, they would be happier if they found somebody. There is somebody for everybody, right? I think the opposite – I think we would be more content within ourselves if we spent considerable time alone. At the end of the day, you are your longest commitment because you live in your body, so you should enjoy your own company. Women are frequently criticized when doing something alone. People think, “she’s so independent,” or, “maybe that bitch can’t find anyone to be with.” Men are attacked as well and receive just as harsh or worse criticism.

Loneliness can be contagious, look at how many pieces of art have been created depicting it? When someone looks at it, they can feel what the artist was conveying. Maybe they resonate with the work and remember their past loneliness or can relate because of their current loneliness. Loneliness regardless of how it’s felt has a function: to serve as a reminder that something is wrong and needs a course adjustment. But loneliness is a misery loves company emotion because it breeds more loneliness.

We are in a time of weird loneliness because we have had to quarantine ourselves for months, and our normal social interactions are halted. Many of us are out of or are coming out of quarantine, and some of us through this have appreciated our time being alone. This goes beyond the extrovert/introvert argument of how people re-charge, and gets into a deeper state of self-realization – you have to tolerate living with yourself. And here is where loneliness can breed one of the best opposite feelings in the world – love. If you can’t tolerate it, you probably don’t love it. This includes yourself.

Tolerating is a mild form of comfort, it says that you allow a certain amount of play within a realm, but the boundaries are definite. It can be a form of giving up, a form of giving in, and a form of letting go. Tolerating is that middle ground between loathing and love, there movement is closely observed in case something goes astray. This point is crucial to be at when it comes to your relationship with yourself. You are the one setting boundaries, you are the one closely observing, you are the one who is at play, and if you can’t stand any of it, then something has got to change. To move from loathing to love, you can move the boundaries, or change the rhythm of the dance you have been dancing which is no longer working for you, or ask for help in seeing where would be a good first place to start making improvements. Something is better than nothing. One realization, one mini enlightenment, is infinitely better than no movement at all. The goal isn’t to get to where you look at yourself in the mirror every day and hug yourself, the goal is to get to the next step in the process which could be enjoying 10 minutes out of the 24 hours of your day.

The internet is full of resources on how to enjoy your own company, so I’m not going to tell you to meditate, or take a walk, or practice gratitude. These are all wonderful things that have helped me and many other people, but I will say, try doing something you love (that is healthy and doesn’t hurt anyone or anything) while loving you are doing it. Paint, and love that you are painting. Cook, and love that you are cooking. Watch the monsoons, and love that you are watching the monsoons. Every day you can move a little more towards being your own friend. And when you have yourself and yourself as company, then you are not alone or lonely.

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