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Goal Setting (in the Bedroom)
Manage episode 394626875 series 3538388
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If we have a single vision of how sex must go, then we tend to miss out on all the fantastic, pleasing, alternative ways we could have discovered ourselves and/or one another. We feel discouraged when our body doesn’t respond, yet we don’t have flexibility to explore is other ways. This scenario happens much too often.
In this episode, I illustrate this challenge with the case of Jon and Angela who have been married for 11 years (no children). Jon is a 56-year-old CEO with a steady diet of stress. Angela, 42, works as a freelance writer and does Pilates regularly. The couple tends to “work hard—then play hard.” Jon has increasingly faced erectile dysfunction over the past year. They have decreased sexual contact to avoid the awkwardness and frustration that results (mostly for Jon) when penetrative sex cannot happen. They have arrived in my office with palpable tension.
In discussing their cycle, the couple acknowledge that when Jon’s work stress spikes or when they have interpersonal conflict (even low level), his ED worsens. And when he cannot achieve erection, they tend to go longer periods of time without engagement. I have suggested they break this pattern by reframing their expectations and their definition of sex. We discuss their goals for sex: pleasure, connection, fun, release. I wager that those goals can be met without penetration.
Tune to hear more about this case.
Do you have interest in unpacking your own relationship to body or sexuality? Contact Dr. Jenn for therapy. You can find out more or sign up at Pleasure Project. 💋
If you’re feeling ready to join the conversation or have topics you want to hear more about, send Dr. Jenn Kennedy an email with questions and she may address it in a future Pleasure Project Blog.
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