227: Leverage the Circle of Control Model

The Corporate Yogi Podcast

So this is the story of Sean and her high profile career as an IC at a high-profile law firm. She wanted so much to become a people manager but as with all people taking that step there were two major barriers standing in her way – one was actually getting herself into the role, and the second, more challenging barrier is learning how to be the great leader you envisioned yourself actually being. I’ll be the first to confess that eadership is so much easier on paper. We all know WHAT we need to do, but the actual doing of it, getting out of the weeds and giving away the LEGO – that is always the hardest part of being a new leader. Little did she know it – Sean helped me create the perfect model to master the skill she needed most, and now clients around the world, now including this podcast, will benefit from her brilliance and creativity.

INTRO:

Hey, thanks for tuning in to the Corporate Yogi podcast, this is your host Julie Zuzek. This pod is YOUR dedicated time for growth, developing practical tools to use with your team and in your other relationships and to learning deeply about who you are and what makes you tick! You are a brilliant and powerful being and I want you to invest more time reflecting on WHO are being, not just WHAT you are doing. Doing is awesome, but BEING, well that is where the magic happens and what makes you truly feel fulfilled. You’re going to love this episode on the Circle of Control model and learning about other models that are easy to use. So here’s a look at what you’re going to learn today

1 – In the first segment I’ll introduce you to the powerful world of models

2 – Then I share my favourite models that I use all the time

3 – In the last segment I’ll share how to use the Circle of Control with your team and others

So get out of your head, into your heart and let’s dive right in, shall we.

SEGMENT 1

The other day I was walking a client through a model and I realized that this is something I really want to do more of because she was really grasping it quickly and excited to use it with her team. Models are powerful and share an outside perspective to understand our current situation, which inspires us to take action in new ways. I want to use them more and knew that you’ll benefit not only from understanding HOW to use them more, but walking away with a couple really good ones in your pocket you can use right away. There are so many different types of models, some are really complex and have a number of components and some just contain 2 components and are really easy to use and teach. But let’s start by talking how they work. Models give us an outside perspective of looking at our current situation. So often when we’re looking at a difficult situation, we get in the habit of trying to approach it the same way we always have – it’s like that great Einstein quote, “No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.” We have to bring in fresh information perspectives and ideas. To be honest this is a big part of what we do in coaching, we challenge people to look at their situation differently. This can be in real-time where we look at different options available us. It can also be done as a tool, in advance of the situation where we create a variety of different perspectives and call upon them on an as needed basis. Let me share a few personal examples. We’ll start by talking about using the real-time options available to us in the moment. I talked a few episodes ago about being given the archetype of the Dominatrix, and while it is primarily something we would use as an archetype, it really offers us a perspective of how to approach things in a different way. Examples of this would to be more confident, stronger, demanding and louder. Other examples of common archetypes we turn into perspectives to really open people minds are Motivational Speaker – which puts people into the mindset of being more confident and self-aware where they believe they have a message to share and it helps them to focus on their personal brand and really be seen and heard in a powerful way. Another popular and highly resisted archetype is the Flower Child or Hippy, no one ever wants to be given the hippy archetype. It may not feel like it applies to the corporate world so much and yet here’s how and why we need it so much. We are all programmed to go to work suited up and in our corporate armour to be protected. Before Brene Brown popularized it, vulnerability wasn’t really a thing, even though now many of us see it as a strength. It’s something we need to build the muscle of. So the Dominatrix, Motivational Speaker and Flower Child are all examples of temporary perspectives we might use tap into new wisdom that we can use easily and in the moment. Here’s some examples of more permanent perspectives you can access and draw upon on a more permanent basis. The first example is connecting with a time in your life when you felt really powerful and in control – like a trip, adventure, being part of a team that did really amazing things. This experienced likely awakened a part of you that you weren’t always using and can feel really good. I call mine Power Julie – and she is really strong and does kick ass things. The primary way I access her is to imagine myself at the gym lifting heavy weights – because this always was a place I felt resourceful, confident and strong. I was new intimidated by others, especially men at the gym. Another permanent perspective I draw upon a lot is called London Julie, which represents the 3 years I lived and worked there, I was constantly exploring and saying yes to new adventures, trying new things and taking big risks. This perspective serves me a lot and helps me to try new things when I may be feeling a little hesitant or intimidated. So let’s recap essentially at their core of how models work, they bring in new information, so we can realize we have different options and perspectives available to us, and help us make more empowered decisions

SEGMENT 2

I have a bunch of different models I use with clients, that I want to walk you through, so why don’t you top up your coffee, pull up a chair and I’ll explain how to use them and what they will each give you. Let’s start with the most complicated one – Patrick Lencioni’s 5 Dysfunctions of a Team. This is a really powerful one and I’ve used it with teams many times over the years and it really helps them to pinpoint what is going on in the relationships dynamic of the team and tell you what your team needs to do to move closer to trust. To visualize the model, picture a triangle in front of you with 5 different layers. At the bottom or the widest layer is Trust, then there is Conflict on the next level, Commitment above that, next is Accountability and at the top is results. This model allows a team to visually see where they are thriving and where they are having challenges. There is an actual survey that goes along with this model, so you get hard data to accompany it. Each layer represents a different behaviour of a cohesive team, and it’s something that is dynamic and constantly changing over time. The thinking here is that we have to be able to function at the lower levels, ie Trust, in order to move up the chain to be able to deliver results. This is a 5 component model and I would highly recommend it, along with Lencioni’s fable book called the five dysfunctions of a team. Next up, I want to share a 4 component model, which you’ve likely seen over the years, it’s called the Four Staged of Competence, and it represents the 4 different levels of learning we go through when we are learning about and subsequently mastering a new skill. It will help you understand where you are situated in the process of mastering a new skill and teach you patience and compassion. At the bottom of the model is Unconscious incompetence, where we don’t know what we don’t know – ignorance is really bliss here. At this stage you do not understand how to do something, and it does not even necessarily register as a deficit in your realm because you don’t value or acknowledge the usefulness of the skill. The individual must recognize both their own incompetence, and the value of the new skill, before moving on to the next level. The next layer on top of that is Conscious Incompetence – and this is where you know something exists, but you don’t know how to do it yet. This is essentially an unlearned or unobtained skill. In the third layer we have Conscious Competence. This is where the individual understands or knows how to do something, but it may need to be broken down into steps for them to perform, and there is heavy conscious involvement in executing the new skill. And then lastly at the top we have conscious competence, where we practice a skill all the time unconsciously and don’t even know we’re doing it. We’ve basically mastered the skill and it is second nature to us. The individual has had so much practice with a skill that it has become "second nature" and can be performed easily. As a result, the skill can be performed while executing another task. The individual may be able to teach it to others, depending upon how and when it was learned. OK those two are on the more complicated end of the spectrum, now I want to share two small but mighty models each with only two components. While these models each only have 2 components, do NOT, I repeat do not underestimate the power of these bad boys, they may only have two components but in a way it makes them somehow even more powerful. The first one, the growth model is from the Centre for Creative Leadership and it has a horizontal line in between the two components. It gives you the opportunity to help people recognize if they’re either in a growth or fixed mindset. The thinking is this – you can only ever be operating above the line or below the line. When you’re operating above the line you are committed to growth, and when you’re operating below the line you’re committed to being right. When you are above the line you are committed to growth, and when you are below the line you are committed to being right. This one is so simple and obvious, it is genius in it’s simplicity – because it doesn’t give anyone any wiggle room even. It’s the ultimate in Tough Love and you can ask people, where do you think you are operating right now – above the line – committed to learning or below the line, committed to being right. The one top I’ll share with this model though is to be compassionate with it, we don’t want to be arrogant when we’re calling people out about it. Just because it is something obvious to us, it might not be obvious to them. So exercise a lot of curiosity and compassion, instead of calling someone out. If I know someone is really going to have a problem owning something at 100%, I might break it down to be more palatable and easier to own by asking them, what percentage of you is operating at committed to being right in this moment, then you can usually have a fruitful discussion from there. We sometimes access this as the 2% truth ownership question – if they’re really resistant. We ask them. I know you’re not fully below the line here, but what is the 2% trust that you are. That has always proven to be a guaranteed way for people to own something. And then the last model I want to share with you is one I created with a client years ago – and it’s about trust and control. I actually created it before I learned about the It’s set up very similar to the above/below the line one I just talked about the Centre for Creative Leadership’s model, but visually it is set up similar, except I never anchored trust at the top or the bottom, I simply introduce it like two sides of the same coin – when you are operating in trust you don’t need to control and when you are operating in control you are UNABLE to trust someone. So this is clearly a model about how we lead and manage relationships with others. So let me back up and tell you this story about Sean and how we ended up creating this model together. She had a great career as an IC at a high-profile law firm and she was ready for the next level in her career, she wanted to become a people manager. But as we all know there are two major barriers to becoming a people manager. The first is actually getting yourself into the role, and sometimes the harder more challenging barrier is learning how to be the great leader you enisionsed yourself actually being. Why is it that leadership is so much easier on paper, right? We knew WHAT we need to do, but the actual doing of it can be the hardest part of all - stepping into the role and having the people report to you. This was especially in a role like Sean’s, because you see, Sean was the head of the of the PMO, what we call the Project Management office, and her job is all about details, a lot of details for example if the company is opening up a new office location it’s Sean’s job to make sure all the details happen and things stay on schedule. Any new project that requires many details to simultaneously go right fell under her. So, while it is often hard for ALL of us to get out of the “so called” weeds when we hand off our IC role and step into managing that people that used to perform our tasks, it was especially challenging for Sean. So over a serious of coaching sessions and conversations I developed this example of trust and control being two sides of one coin, and you can only ever occupy one of them at a time, and every single time we came back to it she kept getting the context she needed, and voila, the model was born. It completely changed the way she looked at her team. It was almost as if, as soon as we developed the model, she didn’t even have any more need for it – because she quickly developed the Unconscious Competetence with it. But I still use it all the time with clients, and they love it – there is so much power in it’s simplicity. So that’s an overview of four of my favourite models and as you can see they all vary in complexity. Let’s recap each of these four different models before closing this segment and I want you to think about which one you’re going to try out first and WHO you’re going to use it with: Patrick Lencioni’s Five Dysfunctions of a Team, 2 – the Four Stages of Competence, The Centre For Creative Leadership’s Above/Below the line model AND last but not least the Model for Trust and Control.

SEGMENT 3

Now let’s talk about the Circle of Control, the title of this episode, which is a 3 component model. I’ll manage your expectations by telling you that it is a widely popular model that is taught and used a lot. To visualize it, it is a set of 3 concentric circles, the one at the inside at the bottom is called the Circle of Control and it represents everything that we have control over. Then we move out to the next level – the circle of influence, this is where we have some ability over what happens. Then we move to the outer circle which is called the circle of Concern. And within the circle of concern we don’t have any control over things at all. This model is a great way to look at certain situations and understand what you can impact and what you can’t impact. A situation might be when you are feeling completely overwhelmed by a situation and you feel emotionally flooded. This is normal and it happens to the best of us. So what we do is sit down with the model and use it to help dissect the different parts of what is going on. I like to start with the circle of control. So you inquire with yourself and say, what in this situation do I have control over? This gives you clarity over your areas of control and you can either name or write them down. Then we start to make our way outside of the influence. The second level, which is influence we have some ability to impact and so we start to draw apart what we can influence. Then lastly we name the things we have no control over at all. The beauty here is that you now have the situation broken down into 3 parts and you have clarity over where you can and can’t direct your attention. The best way for you to learn how to use this model is to teach it to someone else. The first and most important step is always, always always asking permission to introduce it. We never want to create an environment where our team member feels like they don’t have their act together, or make them feel like we don’t think they can navigate their current situation. The powerful way to move forward here is to introduce to them that we have a really powerful model that we think would be beneficial to them right now, and asking them if they’d be interested in learning more. Then once we have their permission, we introduce the model. It’s best to introduce it with a personal example of how we use it and understand it and walk them through our process, don’t be afraid of explaining how you customize it. What you like about it and how you uniquely make it yours. Then once you’ve gone through it all, ask them if they’re curious about anything and if they’d like to try and use it in their current situation. And this is where using your good powerful coaching questions is going to be helpful for you. As much as possible, prompt them to start making this model their own as quickly as possible. use questions like “where would you start with this model” or what is the best approach here to apply this to your situation? And as much as possible, get them to own it and walk through it. So this is a very obvious way to use it, because your team member has a real time example where it can be applied, but another great example of how to use this model is in your 1:1 meeting as a generic resource for them to keep in their pocket and use in the future. And to be honest, sometimes learning models and practicing them in a non-charged or non-urgent way can be a better way to learn them and understand them more deeply. We tend to absorb them better because there’s no emotional charge or hijacking going on. Then when we have the situation to actually use them, we can pull them out as needed and use them. So bottom line, you can use them with a colleague in a few different ways, first to explain a situation you’re navigating, second to navigate a situation they’re navigating, or lastly when you’re not actually in a live situation navigating anything, you’re simply sharing a teachable tool. OK let’s recap this segment by looking at the circle of control – it works by identifying what you can control. It helps give you perspective and it’s a great one to teach to your team to always give them perspective.

WRAP UP

OK it’s time to wrap up this episode on leveraging the circle of control model. Aren’t you excited about using either the Circle of Control or one of these other new models with yourself or with a team member? Which one really resonated with you? Which will you use first? I’m secretly hoping that even if you haven’t put a lot of thought into models in the past. Or like me maybe felt a little bit intimidated by them, that you’re able to step over that and try one out soon. You will learn so much about yourself and about others and trust me it will get easier each time you use them and learn a new one!! And as always, if you’re inspired by the content today, please share it with a friend, colleague or on social media. You’ll also want to subscribe to this podcast on my website at thecorporateyogi.com, or if you want to talk directly with me about coaching or using models with your team you can book time in my calendar for a 1:1 session – the link to book a chat can be found either on LinkedIn or Instagram @thecorporateyogi. I look forward to seeing you in two weeks for another brilliant episode, and as always, remember, that any fear or resistance you hold inside of you, is simply just your...